There Was Only Us
by only here in your arms
Summary: Destined to be together. Childhood best friends and lovers Eli Goldsworthy and Clare Edwards had the perfect, fairytale relationship. But in the end, one is left heartbroken. This is not your typical love story.
1. Age Eighteen Prologue

**Few things to clear up:**

**1. Julia does not exist nor will she exist in this story. Rid her from your mind for this story.**

**2. This story will borderline M but will not go all the way. Just a warning.**

**3. Slight OOC but not so much. I'm gonna try to stay true to their characters but also make them fit my story better.**

**4. I had inspiration from many other media sources but I will make this my own.**

**5. This story has A LOT of surprises. But you'll enjoy it.**

**Here we go.**

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><p>Friends in the womb. Best friends from birth to childhood. Childhood sweethearts. Teenagers in love. Destined to be together. These were the terms used to describe the relationship Eli Goldsworthy and Clare Edwards shared.<p>

Their parents were best friends even before either of them had kids. The Edwards family was the first to have a child; a daughter they named Darcy. Then years later the Goldsworthy's would have their first and only child, Elijah but they called him Eli. A year or so later, the Edwards' welcomed their youngest Clare. Because of the small age gap between Eli and Clare, the parents joked about planning their wedding many years later. Once they were old enough to interact, Eli and Clare became inseparable. Then getting into their adolescent and teenage years, Clare and Eli began a relationship, much to the joy of their parents. Their relationship continued for years, that is, until the perfection wasn't exactly as it seemed. Their relationship wasn't perfection at all. And no one knew. Maybe neither of them knew either.

This is the relationship of Clare Edwards and Eli Goldsworthy. This sounds like a love story but be forewarned, it is not your typical love story.

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><p><em>A scene unfolded in Eli's room, who was 18 years old, and he was sitting in a corner, crying. His defenses were down, his emotions run rampant, his heart was crushed, and he, he could only cry. He held a picture in his hand. One that was slightly old and wrinkly but it was his favorite. It was of him and his girlfriend Clare. Well…ex-girlfriend now. He didn't know what to do. So he cried.<em>

_A relationship was over and Eli didn't know why it had ended. He thought everything was perfect. All he could see in his relationship with Clare was a future together, a future he had imagined ever since he was a young child. He knew his and Clare's parents probably had that future planned in their heads as well._

_So why did the relationship end? And how did it end?_


	2. Age Thirteen

**Age 13**

Clare was walking home from school, enjoying the very nice spring, sunny, breezy day. It was her favorite season of all, mainly because of all the flowers that were beginning to bloom and the breezy weather. Also the fact that the pollen doesn't bother her whatsoever is a plus. While everyone in her Grade 7 class was sneezing and had red eyes, Clare was unfazed.

She was enjoying her walk until someone ran into her. She fell to the grass, thankfully not the sidewalk, and she turned around to see Eli laughing hysterically beside her. Eli was her best friend and had been since she was born. Her first memory was being in a crib with Eli and he hit her on the head with one of her dolls. She cried. That was Clare's first memory so seeing as Eli was in that memory, it was safe to say that they had been in each other's lives forever.

Clare hit Eli on the shoulder and stood up, dusting herself off. "Not funny, _Elijah._ I could've gotten really hurt, you know."

"Don't call me that," Eli said seriously pointing a finger in Clare's face, which she pushed away. "It's Eli. I'm in Grade 7. I have to start being cool. If you're name is Elijah then people would call you lame or something."

"Yeah," Clare scoffed. "Because changing your name is gonna make you cool. Besides, I like the name Elijah. It's classic and beautiful."

Eli walked beside Clare as she headed to her house. "So you like my name," Eli smirked. "Well too bad. I'm Eli. Don't ever call me Elijah. My mom finally got used to calling me Eli. Now she only calls me Elijah when I'm in trouble."

"Oh, so you mean she calls you Elijah all of the time?" Clare joked.

Eli laughed sarcastically. "Ha. Ha. You're hilarious!"

"One of the many great things about me," Clare replied, putting a hand to her heart and batting her eyelashes.

"Oh and modest too," Eli added jokingly. Once they got to Clare's house, they both went inside. Helen, Clare's mother, was at the kitchen table working while Darcy, her older sister, was occupying their shared room.

"Out, Clare," Darcy demanded. She had a friend over and were 'doing homework' but they were really gossiping. "You and Eli can go to his house or something. It's my turn to have the room to myself."

"You did this yesterday, Darcy!" Clare exclaimed in a whining tone. Eli was standing right behind her at the doorframe to Clare's room. He was always over at the Edwards' house but he didn't come the day before.

"MOM! I have a friend over and Clare is being annoying!" Darcy shouted down the stairs.

"Clare, come downstairs and you can do your homework in the living room," Helen's voice said. Darcy smiled victoriously and shut the door in Clare and Eli's faces.

"She annoys me," Clare muttered. "A lot." Eli put a hand on Clare's back comfortingly and followed her back downstairs.

"Mom, Darcy always has friends over and she always kicks me out," Clare whined to her mother. Eli sat down on the couch as Clare talked to Helen.

"Sorry honey," Helen replied without looking up. "She needs help with her homework. Not everyone can do their homework so easily and fast like you can, you know."

"They're not even doing their homework, they're just gossiping about boys," Clare said grossly. "I hear them all of the time. It's disgusting."

"Well I'm sure you're just exaggerating because you didn't get what you want," Helen replied absently. "You and Elijah can go to his house and do your homework there."

"It's Eli now, Mom," Clare said almost angrily. Eli was gonna correct Helen himself but Clare beat him to it. This made him smile to himself. "And fine, we'll just go. We're already finished with homework because we had time to finish it during class so I guess we're just going to hang out."

"Have fun honey, say hi to Bullfrog and Cece for me," Helen told Clare and practically waved her away. Clare huffed and grabbed Eli's hand, pulling him off the couch and out of the house in an angry rage and started pulling him down the sidewalk.

"Whoa, Clare, slow down," Eli laughed, trying to loosen Clare's death grip on his hand. When Clare did finally let go of his hand, he stopped and stretched out his fingers. Once he looked back up he saw Clare stomping away already many feet away from him. He ran to her, grabbing her hand softly and intertwining their fingers. "Clare, it's okay. You don't have to be upset. We can go over to my house and hang out in my room."

Eli didn't realize how much Clare was really upset. She was trying to hide her angry face but when Eli saw Clare wiping a tear from her eye, he lifted up Clare's chin. "Hey, come on. Don't cry," he whispered, also wiping Clare's tears with his thumb.

"Mom always takes Darcy's side," Clare whimpered trying to hide her face. "She always does. 'It's your turn to wash the dishes Clare. Darcy needs to study' or 'Clare, can you finish Darcy's laundry for her? She has a project to do'. It's not fair. Why does Mom love Darcy more than me? You've noticed that right? Darcy always gets what she wants."

"Well Darcy is selfish," Eli said bluntly. Eli was never a big fan of Clare's older sister. Sure she was good looking, sure Eli had a crush on Darcy briefly seeing as he was an adolescent boy, but when Darcy grew to be a demanding and selfish girl with a bad attitude, Eli didn't really pay much attention to her anymore. Until Clare was being affected by Darcy's selfishness and manipulation of their parents, then he needed to be the one who stuck up for Clare. "Clare, your Mom is just blind to the fact that you and Darcy deserved to be treated equally. I know it's not fair, I wish I could make it fair, but I can't. If it's any consolation, at least you and I can hang out more."

Clare smiled and wiped her face entirely. "Thanks Eli."

"Well actually, thank you. You told your mom that I'm Eli now. I was gonna tell her but you beat me to it. So thanks," Eli replied. "But I would think that after many months she'd get it right."

"She can't even remember the fact that I'm also her daughter so you can't really expect her to remember your new name," Clare replied flatly. She turned and started walking in the direction of Eli's house. Eli still had his hand connected to Clare's and it seemed like neither of them minded.

"Clare, I think you should be more assertive with your Mom. Tell her that it's not fair that you have to do so much and sacrifice time in your room just because of Darcy. If you really tell it to her, I think she'd understand," Eli suggested.

Clare shook her head and leaned her body to Eli's. Eli then took the opportunity to wrap his arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to his side. "That won't do anything," Clare sighed. "Dad sides with me sometimes so that helps. Dad sticks up for me. But it stinks that he works all of the time so whenever Darcy has friends over, Mom lets her. But sometimes Dad is home and won't kick me out."

"Well Randall has always been my favorite," Eli joked. This made Clare giggle and the sound that came from her lips made Eli blush. He never blushed from one of Clare's laughs before. This was new to him. What was he feeling?

They arrived at the Goldsworthy residence and Eli let them inside and the scent of freshly baked cookies quickly filled their noses. Clare ran to the kitchen and Eli laughed and followed, just at a slow pace though. By the time he got inside of the kitchen Clare was already eating a cookie. Eli grabbed one for himself and sat down at the breakfast nook and watched his mother as she transferred freshly baked cookies onto a cooling rack.

"These are great Mom," Eli said to Cece Goldsworthy. "Where'd you get the new recipe?"

"One of your father's mom's recipes," Cece replied, handing Clare another cookie. "I was looking through old boxes and I found your grandma's old cookbook in one of the boxes and decided to try a recipe out. Cookies seemed to be the perfect one since I knew you'd be coming home soon. I'm glad I did make them since Clare is here with us also. I thought you said you two would be doing homework at Clare's house."

"We were but my sister kicked me out of my room," Clare, with a mouthful of cookie, said muffled but Eli and Cece both knew what she said. "So we came here."

"Well I'm always glad to have you here, Clare," Cece smiled as she gave Clare a hug. "Enjoy the cookies, you two. Just don't eat them all. I'm making a big dinner for tonight and I'd like it if you both could enjoy it with partially empty stomachs rather than full. Now go do homework or something while I make dinner."

"Yes ma'am," Eli and Clare both said as they saluted to Cece. Cece returned the salute as she laughed and watched as the two ran upstairs to Eli's room. Once in Eli's room, he shut the door and locked it. He always did this though. Cece had an annoying habit of just barging into his room and he was a boy who needed his privacy. She just happened to barge in at the most inconvenient moments.

"So, what do you want to do?" Eli asked Clare. She was already sitting on Eli's comfy computer chair, swiveling around.

"I don't know," she answered as she spun. "Why don't we do something that we've never done before?"

"We've done everything together Clare," Eli said honestly, laying down on his bed which was on the opposite side of the room. It was true though. They've done everything they could ever imagine together. Once they even jumped off of Clare's balcony together. Clare was fine, Eli got a sprained ankle. They were reckless together and they wouldn't have it any other way.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure," Eli sighed as he stared up at his ceiling.

"Have you ever kissed anyone before?" Clare asked curiously. Eli turned his head to Clare who was leaning her body to the back of the chair, sitting backwards on it.

"No, why?" Eli replied.

"I don't know, I haven't either and I was wondering if…you could be my first kiss?" The fact that Clare just made that request made Eli's palms sweat and he felt his face getting very hot. Why was she asking him to do this?

"I just didn't want it to be with someone I didn't like," Clare said as if reading Eli's mind. "And now we can look back on this and say, 'my first kiss was with my best friend'. Wouldn't that be cool?"

"I guess so," Eli replied stuttering. "Do you…really want to kiss me though?"

"Why wouldn't I? You're my best friend." Eli couldn't help but think at how naïve Clare was about this. It would be their first kiss separately and together. She was non-chalant about the fact that a kiss between two people would be a big deal. But he wasn't gonna pass up an opportunity to get his first kiss, no way. And the fact that he would be sharing it with Clare made him a lot more nervous than he thought it would.

Before he knew it, Clare was sitting on his bed beside him. They were facing each other, saying nothing, and Clare was twiddling with her fingers in her lap, waiting. "Isn't the guy supposed to lean in first?"

"Oh right," Eli said laughing nervously. He slowly leaned his face to Clare's, tilting his head slightly and raising his lips to hers. Clare leaned in a little bit and finally their lips touched. It was brief, only a few seconds, and each of them pulled away.

"That was…" Clare started to say.

"Weird?" Eli suggested as the word.

"Kind of," Clare agreed. "But nice?"

"Yeah," Eli nodded his head in agreement. "It was nice."

"It wasn't like the kissing scenes we see in movies though," Clare said sadly, pouting a bit. Eli couldn't help but laugh.

"What if we…move our lips?" he suggested. "That's how they do it in movies."

"Okay," Clare replied in a happy tone and she leaned in this time and pressed her lips to Eli's, catching him off guard. But he did relax and slowly and cautiously moved his lips. This cause Clare to follow suit and soon their lips moved in a very slow, gentle harmony. There were no other sounds in the room, just the quietness and slight noise of their lips moving against each others.

Eli, who had no idea what to do with his hands, put them around Clare's jaw, holding her in place attached to his lips. This allowed Eli to tilt his head a bit more as he took the lead in the kiss, applying more pressure and picking up the speed just a little bit and Clare didn't miss a beat. She kissed him back with just the same enthusiasm and had her hands on Eli's knees which were pressed on hers.

When Clare's mouth was slightly opened while they kissed, Eli experimentally slithered in his tongue to touch Clare's and she jumped slightly, made a high-pitched noise and was going to pull away until she realized that she had a good feeling in her stomach as Eli continued to circle his tongue slightly into her mouth. This made their kiss more intense and harder and Clare couldn't get enough. She started to move her own tongue against Eli's when his would come into her mouth and Eli let out a deep groan. Clare felt Eli's body move upwards, onto his knees, and Clare followed. But soon she found herself laying down on the bed with Eli's body hovering over his as they continued to kiss.

Eventually Clare had to gently push Eli's face away to breathe and when they pulled apart they both let out deep breaths and were breathing heavily. "Wow," they said at the same time. Their faces weren't very far apart as Eli hovered over Clare and they could each feel each other's breath on their faces.

"I think I like kissing," Clare confessed bluntly, immediately turning red.

"I think I like kissing you," Eli replied smiling. "Could we…uh…"

Clare pulled down Eli's head and they resumed kissing and continued to keep it slow and sweet. Eli and Clare both thought in their minds that they could never forget this moment. Being each other's first kiss, their first kiss with each other, being a magical experience for the both of them. That is…until…

"I don't hear talking!" Cece said on the other side of the door.

"We're making out," Eli told his mother and earned himself a smack on the shoulder from Clare. "What? It's the truth!"

"Ahhhh!" Cece's squeal was so high pitched and loud that Eli had to plug his ears by burying his head in Clare's shoulder and covering his ears. "My two babies are kissing! I have to call Helen! Ah, it's finally happening!"

"What's happening?" Both Eli and Clare asked.

"The beginning!" Cece exclaimed happily.

"Of what?" Clare asked Eli. Eli just shrugged. They heard Cece's footsteps going down the stairs which meant that Eli and Clare was left alone once again.

"So…what does this mean?" Eli asked Clare whispering. He tucked a piece of her long hair behind her ear. "I mean…are we together?"

"Well I don't think I'd like it if you kissed someone else," Clare said smirking. "And…I really like you, Eli. I do."

"Well then," Eli said while wiggling his eyebrows. "Clare Edwards, will you be my girlfriend?"

"Of course," Clare answered. She pecked Eli's lips. "Imagine how Cece and my mother will react to this news."

"Oh great," Eli groaned, putting his head back into the curve of Clare's neck. Clare laughed at his reaction and started playing with his hair.

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><p><strong>This story's gonna be back and forth with memories of their relationship so make sure you pay attention to the age I put at the beginning of each chapter. It won't go in order so you make get confused but BE SURE TO READ THE AGE BEFORE YOU START READING.<strong>

**And by the way…it won't always be this happy. Thanks for all of the reviews already! I'm glad you guys are so interested in the story!**


	3. Age Sixteen

**Age 16**

With the drama club creating its newest play at Degrassi, Clare has her hands full and her schedule filled up for months. Every day she would wake up exhausted, go to school, force herself to pay attention and still manage to get good grades, go to play practice, go home, do homework, _maybe_ eat dinner, and then go to sleep around 2 in the morning. Her schedule was filled to its brim and although she loved having a full schedule, she was getting sick and just had no more energy.

She walked into school coughing the following day, wearing a thick sweater although it was pretty warm outside, and her eyes were super red from allergies and just lack of sleep. Approaching her locker lazily, Adam and Eli snapped out of their conversation about Friday night dinner and examined Clare.

Eli put a hand up to Clare's face, tucking her hair behind her ear, and then feeling the extreme warmth on her skin. "Clare, you should go home," he told her worriedly. "You're really hot."

Clare gave him a look. "Not in the mood for your jokes today Goldsworthy."

"I meant the literal way," Eli said and stuck his tongue out. "Seriously, you're burning up. And I love you babe but you're not looking that great either. Did you get any sleep?"

"Maybe a few hours," Clare replied and then yawned. "And I can't go home. I have rehearsal after school and—"

"They can manage a day without you Clare," Adam assured her the best he could. "You're not going to be a lot of help if you're sick and can't do anything."

"I'm not sick, I'm fine," Clare replied seriously. "Now, I'm going to Media Immersions now. I'll see you both at lunch."

Clare walked away coughing once again and once she turned a corner, Adam took a hold of Eli's shoulders. "Dude, there's something wrong with her and it's not because she's sick. Did something happen between you two?" he asked, trying to be a good friend.

"No!" Eli scoffed. "She's just had a lot on her plate with the play and keeping up with her school work. She takes such hard classes, it's insane. I haven't had the opportunity to spend more than twenty minutes with her in the past few weeks."

"Oh," Adam said sadly, dropping his hands. "Sorry dude."

"I'm sure after the play is over she and I will go back to normal," Eli replied. The smirk on his face was enough for Adam to shiver in disgust and pretend to vomit.

"Enough of that," Adam whined. "Seriously, I'm starting to hate the fact that my only friends here has to be the longest lasting couple in high school history."

"Three years _is_ a long time, huh," Eli pondered. The bell rang and Adam and Eli headed to their first period classes. "It's weird though. I've known Clare my entire life so it feels like we've been together for much longer than three years. Three years is just when it's been official but it's been 16 years of being together."

"God, that sounded so sappy," Adam replied. "But hey, I'm happy for the both of you. But I'm never gonna get used to the back and forth between you two."

"No one said you had to," Eli said back to him. They waved goodbye as they both entered different classrooms and the bell rang, signaling the beginning of class.

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><p>"Clare, Clare, wake up. Seriously, you might miss your next class."<p>

Clare stirred awake slowly, adjusting her eyes to the poor lighting of wherever she was. She looked down to see what she had been sleeping on and realized it was the couch backstage of the auditorium. She had spent her free period trying to do as much work as she could for the play but ended up taking a nap instead. She looked up, expecting to see Eli, but instead it was Wesley.

"What are you doing here?" Clare asked with a slightly rough voice. She was feeling better than she had been this morning, her throat was more clear, and she reached up and touched her face which wasn't so hot anymore. Sleep had done her good.

"Hannah asked me to get her sweater from back here, she left it last night during the rehearsal, and I found you sleeping. The bell's about to ring for next period," Wesley warned her. "Wait…are you sick? You don't look too great."

"Ugh," Clare groaned, wiping the underside of her eyes trying to get rid of the obvious dark circles. "I need to not be sick."

"Maybe…you can sleep for the rest of the day," Wesley suggested. "It's not like one day will matter and you obviously need your rest. I can cover for you if you want." He reached out tentatively to feel Clare's forehead, which was warmer than he thought was normal. He sat down beside Clare and handed her his cold water bottle, hoping it would cool her down a bit.

"Actually, that might be a great—"

"Clare? Clare, where are you?"

Clare and Wesley turned their heads to where the curtains split and Eli came through, a shocked face taking over his face. "What's going on here?" he asked, faking innocence. It was easy to see that he was not happy or amused seeing his girlfriend in a private setting with someone else.

"Nothing," both Clare and Wesley said.

"Doesn't look like nothing," Eli sneered, crossing his arms. "So this is why I didn't see you at your locker after first and second period."

"It's not what it looks like," Clare assured Eli. She stood up from the couch and felt a bit dizzy and she stumbled a bit but Wesley was quick to help her stand up straight.

"Yeah, not what it looks like." Eli scoffed angrily and his facial expression, clearly desiring to hurt Wesley, was scaring both him and Clare. "Is this why you've been so exhausted and busy lately? Because you've been hooking up with someone behind my back? Look at you, you look exhausted right now and Wesley's sweating like a pig. It seems that you guys were doing someone that made your breathing increase, unless you ran a marathon around the auditorium."

"Eli, I swear," Wes started but Eli was quick to cut him off.

"Stop talking," he demanded in a loud voice. "I don't want to hear any of your excuses. Either of you. I can't believe this."

"Eli, nothing happened," Clare said with her strained voice. "I fell asleep, Wesley woke me up, that's all."

"Yeah, so why does he have your sweater? Got too hot for your backstage escapades?"

Clare looked towards Wesley's hand, which held Hannah's sweater. "That's not mine," she almost cried. "Hannah left it here yesterday, he was only getting it!"

"Wow, you guys really thought this out, didn't you?" Eli laughed. "I'm not stupid Clare. You've been distant, you've been tired, you've been spending less time with me. You're cheating on me and here you are, trying to deny it when I caught you in the act! Of all people, you would cheat on your boyfriend. And you!"

Eli stomped towards Wesley, who immediately covered his face with his arms, but Clare stood in front of Wesley, holding out her arms to stop Eli. "Eli, I swear nothing happened or has happened! Don't hurt him, please! He's done nothing! He was just being a good friend!" Clare pleaded desperately. The crazy look in Eli's eyes definitely looked as if he could do some damage to Wesley and let's face it, Wesley isn't really one to defend himself. Clare knew that Eli could do a number of her friend.

"You expect me not to hurt the guy who's been cheating with my girlfriend on me? And you're defending him Clare, further proof! How could you do this to me!" Eli shouted at Clare's face directly. She took a step back, intimidated and freaked out, and backed into Wesley slightly. "We're done!" Eli continued. "I can't believe I trusted you! I thought you loved me!"

"I do!" Clare screamed back. "Which is why you should listen to me when I tell you, honestly, that nothing happened! I fell asleep and he woke me up! That is his girlfriend's sweater! You are taking this all out of context!"

Eli shook his head and backed away. "I thought I could trust you, Clare, but I see now that I can't. Goodbye." He disappeared back through the curtain and Clare collapsed back onto the couch, hugging herself tightly, and trying not to cry in Wesley's presence.

"Do you want me to get Adam or something?" Wes asked in a soft and shaky voice. He was still pretty spooked from what happened with Eli. He saw his life flash before his eyes when Eli had stormed towards him.

"Please," Clare croaked out.

"Okay," Wesley replied. He turned to leave but looked back to Clare who was in a fetal position, shaking, and crying. "And I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to—"

"It's not your fault Wesley, please don't think that," Clare assured him. "I'm sorry you had to see that."

"I hope you get better," he said to her. "And I hope…things work out that way you want them to."

Clare smiled slightly and watched as Wesley also left. Just a few minutes later she heard the auditorium doors open once again and Adam calling her name. She told him that she was backstage and he appeared distraught. "Wesley told me what happened and I don't even care if I miss math, I'm here for you." Adam put his arms around Clare and she immediately leaned into him, crying into his Degrassi sweatshirt.

"He didn't even listen," she cried. "I told him nothing happened and he wouldn't believe me."

"_I _believe you Clare and I know deep down, Eli doesn't think you'd cheat on him," Adam said soothingly, resting his chin on Clare's head. "He was just angry and didn't actually process what was going on. You know Eli, jumping to conclusions."

"He broke up with me though," Clare continued to cry. "I can't lose him."

"You're just gonna have to explain it to him and make him listen to you. Eli was definitely not in the right state of mind. I'll talk to him, convince him to hear you out, and I hope that Eli will listen and believe you."

Clare eventually fell asleep again and Adam adjusted her onto the bed, trying not to wake her up, and he left the auditorium. He went to Principal Simpson, telling him that Clare was sleeping in the auditorium and explained her gigantic work load. Principal Simpson was compassionate enough, allowing Clare to just sleep there. Adam also asked him if he knew where Eli was and Simpson replied with a no but checked the attendance log on the computer and reported that Eli was in his first two classes but skipped the current period. Adam thanked Simpson for his understanding and help and left his office, heading towards his own classroom not wanting to get himself in trouble.

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><p>Simpson convinced Clare to go home at the end of the day. Her condition looked worse because of her crying and Clare gave in. Her mom picked her up and dropped her off at home and Helen went back to work. Once in her room, Clare dropped onto her bed and just went straight to sleep, not even thinking of what happened in her day. She was just too exhausted and upset and just slept.<p>

She woke up to someone touching her face and hair and her eyes fluttered open to Eli, laying beside her on her tiny bed, his hand at her face and touching her softly. "Hi," he whispered. "Did you have a nice nap?"

Clare was confused to say the least. Did she imagine the fight while she slept in the auditorium? Did it not happen? Didn't Eli break up with her for allegedly cheating? "Wha—" Clare started but Eli put his finger to her lips.

"I'm sorry," he said sincerely. "I shouldn't have blown up like that and jumped to conclusions. I know you wouldn't cheat on me and Wesley wouldn't do anything like that either. I just…it's difficult for me to picture you with someone else. I can't handle it."

Clare nodded understanding. She wouldn't like it either if Eli was with another girl but she also knew that she would've heard Eli out and not just quickly assume that he was cheating. "Nothing did happen," Clare whispered, her eyes drifting down to Eli's bright red shirt. "I swear."

"I know, I know," Eli smiled and leaned in closer, their foreheads touching. "Just the thought of losing you made me crazy. I love you so much Clare." He didn't give her any chance to reply before he smashed his lips to hers a bit roughly. Eli was quick to dart his tongue into Clare's mouth and controlling their very hard kiss. He went to move on top of her, had his hands on Clare's waist and dragging a hand up and down the side of her body. Clare kissed him back but found it difficult to keep up with the intensity of the kiss.

Soon he started nipping at her jawline and neck, kissing and biting her very sensitive skin, and she would make noises of pleasure as he would find all of her weak spots in no time. Eli took Clare's collar and moved it aside as he started assaulting her collarbone, making Clare's eyes roll back and her body respond to his in a different way. She moved her hips instinctively and this made Eli's eyes darken with pleasure. He thrust back to her, both of them moaning loudly as their sensitive areas brushed against each other. This was the first time they ever tried doing this. They've had many make-out sessions but getting to the point of inflicting that much pleasure onto each other was new territory.

Eli's hands wandered around Clare's body, over her stomach, grazing her chest, down to her thighs, and Clare was absolutely not able to handle the feeling her had in her stomach as Eli continued to grind himself against her. She needed some sort of release and she felt so close to it as Eli's arousal brushed against her underwear since her skirt had ridden up. Or Eli pulled it up and she hadn't noticed.

They kissed frantically again as Clare held Eli's head in her hands. She was trying to keep her mind off of the mind-blowing pleasure but she couldn't. She continued to moan and breathe heavily and Eli was grunting and moaning above her.

"Clare, do you love me?" Eli stopped his movements and asked Clare deeply through his heavy breathing.

Clare nodded. "I love you with all of my heart, Eli."

"Will you show me?"

Clare knew what Eli was asking. He was asking her to give her all to him, break her vow to remain pure until marriage, and be intimate with him. They had discussed the issue before. Clare had gotten her purity ring right after getting official with Eli at 13 and Eli was supportive of Clare's decision to remain pure until marriage. Eli and Clare pictured their life together and they would be married. Because Clare did make a promise to her parents, herself, and God, she did not want to break that promise. And Eli, who was very much an atheist, only agreed to follow the rule because it was important to Clare. Now, in Clare's room, all hot and heavy, Clare had a dilemma in her mind. Give her all to Eli right now or keep her promise of purity?

She loved Eli, she did. She knew she would love him forever and her ring said "True Love Waits". What was between her and Eli was definitely true love but did they have to wait if they knew they'd be together forever? They would only be with each other the next hundred years of their lives and would having sex now change everything?

Clare gazed up into Eli's green eyes, seeing the utmost feeling of desire and love he had for her. And then she knew the right answer.

"Yes," she whispered against Eli's lips.

The moment was long and slow. They took a while getting each other undressed, getting familiar with each other's skin and body, running their hands all over each other's exposed skin and holding each other close to savor the moment. Soon Eli and Clare took the next step into the relationship and together, they became one.

* * *

><p>"Do you regret it?" Eli asked once it was over. They were both under the covers of Clare's bed, holding each other's naked bodies as heat radiated off and kept them warm. He hand Clare's hand in his up to his lips, pressing his lips to them.<p>

"No," Clare said shakily. She was still getting calm from the high and the nerves she experienced through it all. "I don't."

"Good," Eli smiled. He kissed her softly, lovingly, and longingly. "You are the most beautiful, wonderful, intelligent person I have ever and will ever know, Clare Diana Edwards. I love you so much."

He snuggled into her, holding her tightly to his body, and she rested her head on his chest. "I love you too," she whispered. Soon she heard Eli's steady breathing as he slept and her shaking had yet to disappear.

Did she regret it? Was it too soon? Clare was still battling her own mind as she contemplated that moment with Eli. Could they have waited? Should they have waited? What does this mean about her religion and relationship with God? Did she sin? Was she a sinner? What would her parents think?

Clare fell asleep to one thought only in her mind. **She wasn't ready.**

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><p><strong>Thank you for the many reviews I received from the first official chapter! I hope you guys did enjoy the fluffiness of the first chapter because what you can tell from this, it's not a very cheerful story. Eli faces his own issues while Clare struggles with an inner battle with her thoughts and actions.<strong>

**And yes, the ending means one thing: Clare wasn't ready to make love with Eli. Did you guys catch the age at the top which you should be reading? Age 16. Still young eh?**

**I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Leave predictions in a review and tell me what you think!**

***Not happy with the ending of Drop the World pt. 2/Season10? Read my one-shot called "The World Has Dropped"! Alternate ending!**

**Thanks for reading!**


	4. Age Three

**Age 3**

Bullfrog Goldsworthy and Randall Edwards sat at a playground bench watching their children, Elijah Goldsworthy and Clare Edwards, playing in the sand box. It was a bright, sunny, fall day and the leaves were just turning their brown-ish color. Bullfrog and Randall were laughing at some lame joke Bullfrog made.

"I cannot believe you still remember that," Randall chuckled and gaining his composure back.

"It's like college was just yesterday," Bullfrog reminisced. "Now look at us. Living in the same neighborhood, have wives and kids. We didn't end up too differently that what we both planned."

Randall nodded. "We both said that we wanted to be that soccer dad, right? But I also recall you saying you wanted a boy and a girl. When is Elijah going to get a sister?"

"Cece says she's fine with just having Elijah," Bullfrog answered. He looked over at his son who was dumping sand into a tiny bucket and Clare was sitting on the other side of the box doing the same thing. "She loves spoiling the little brat. But it's adorable. Cece loves having someone to spoil. I admit, Elijah will probably be the most precious thing I have in my life but I'm gonna have to make sure that he won't end up being spoiled and taking things for granted. Oh and he has to be nice to the ladies. He has to be able to woo them, especially Clare since Cece and Helen already have their wedding planned."

Randall couldn't help but laugh at the fact that Bullfrog was so right about the end of what Bullfrog said. "I agree, keep children humble and responsible. Sometimes I'm a bit weary about the fact that Helen spoils Darcy a bit. Ever since we had Clare, Helen makes sure that Darcy has what she wants and needs and I understand that. Sometimes the oldest has issues about having attention taken away from them but I'm afraid that Helen will take it a bit overboard. Clare, although she's only three, she's already so mature and old. While Darcy throws tantrums at seven, and has been for a long time, Clare has always been a calm baby. It's refreshing."

"Whenever we babysit for you guys, Clare is always such a breeze, Cece always claims her," Bullfrog confessed. "Clare always ate her food, never made a mess. Darcy and Elijah butt heads sometimes but I heard Elijah saying that Darcy was pretty."

"What if Elijah ends up with Darcy?" Randall joked.

Bullfrog shook his head laughing. "Cece would be so disappointed."

Over at the sandbox, Clare and Eli were having their typical three year old discussion filled with semi-complete sentences but they communicated very well together at only three. Clare had filled up her tiny pink bucket with sand and she took her sippy cup and poured some of the liquid into the sand.

"What are you doing Clare?" Eli asked as he kept digging the sand.

"Castle," Clare replied simply. "Daddy says put water in the sand and it stands."

Eli watched as Clare dampened the sand and patted it smooth. She flipped the bucket over into the sandbox and lifted the bucket. The little castle figure stood on its own and Eli couldn't help but clap and cheer.

"Wow!" he exclaimed so happily. "It's magic!"

Clare giggled and walked over to Eli's bucket with her sippy cup. "Want to try?" she offered. Elijah nodded his head vigorously and watched as Clare dampened his bucket and flipped it over and his stood up firmly as well.

"You magic-shan Clare," Elijah told her happily. He started to poke at his little tower but then turned his head when he heard Clare's cry. It was a rare occasion, Clare being upset enough to wail, but she was definitely making her feelings known as she blew up in tears.

Elijah noticed her tower was wrecked and a box, who had dark hair like himself, had his feet on the wood of the sandbox and close to the pile of sand that was once Clare's tower. He had knocked it down, making Clare so upset. She was sitting crosslegged in the sand, hands over her eyes, and Elijah felt angry. He stood up and walked to the boy and pushed him onto the grass under him.

"You're mean!" Elijah yelled. "You made Clare cry!"

"It was an accident," the boy replied looking up at Eli. He spoke clearer than Eli, meaning he was probably 4 or 5. "I didn't mean to! I wanted to play with Clare!"

"Clare is MINE!" Elijah practically roared. "You can't play with her! She's mine! Say you're sorry!"

"Sorry Clare," the boy told her. She looked up from her hands and nodded, wiping her face from tears.

"Now go!" Eli demanded. The boy ran off scared and Eli then sat back in the sandbox in front of Clare. Randall and Bullfrog approached them finally and Bullfrog sat on the grass beside the box, beckoning Elijah over to him.

"What happened?" Bullfrog asked his son.

"A boy knocked Clare's castle," Elijah answered innocently. "I made him leave because Clare was crying."

Bullfrog looked over at Randall who was comforting Clare and Bullfrog leaned in towards Eli closer and held out his fist. He had taught Elijah this early on and Eli pounded his dad's fist against his own. "Nice job son, way to defend her," Bullfrog whispered smirking. "Always protect Clare okay. She will always need you to be there for her to make the bad boys that make her cry go away."

Eli nodded. "If Clare is crying, I make people go."

"That's right son," Bullfrog laugh. "Don't ever let Clare cry. And don't ever make her cry. She's a lady and ladies are treated with respect."

"I see you're starting early on," Randall commented as he butted into the father-son relationship. "Thank you Elijah. Clare says thank you too, right?"

"Thank you," Clare said softly with a sniffly nose. She held out her arms for Eli and he walked over to her and they shared a sweet hug. Although they were three years old, they knew how to be friendly and affectionate. Clare always hugged her dad and Eli always hugged Cece and Bullfrog so they turned that onto each other as well. "Do you want to keep playing?" Clare asked.

"Actually we should be heading home," Randall said sadly, picking Clare up. "Dinner time."

"Aw," Clare whined. She may be a good child but she still whined. "I want to play with Elijah."

"Tomorrow," Randall assured his daughter. "You are going to Elijah's house tomorrow and see Cece."

Clare couldn't contain her excitement and she shrieked and wailed around screaming words of joy. Randall and Clare walked away and Eli and Bullfrog headed back to their house as well. The two patriarchs of each family always had playdates for their children on a Thursday afternoon. Every week ever since Clare and Eli were one year old. It was tradition.

* * *

><p>The following Thursday, Elijah and Bullfrog were already heading to the playground. Bullfrog held Elijah on his shoulders, swaying around while firmly holding Elijah's legs. "I'm going to fall!" Elijah exclaimed, holding tightly around Bullfrog's forehead. Bullfrog merely laughed and set down Elijah on the playground bench. Clare and Randall weren't there yet so Bullfrog kept Eli occupied with a magic trick. But ten minutes went by and no Edwards was in sight. Bullfrog got a bit worried so he asked Elijah if he wanted to take a walk. Elijah agreed and Bullfrog led the way to the Edwards house.<p>

Bullfrog and Elijah made their way to the door and Bullfrog was about to knock but he heard faint yelling from the other side of the door. He realized that it was Helen and Randall fighting and he quickly pulled Elijah's hand and they walked down the path.

"Where's Clare? Eli asked innocently, looking up at his dad.

"Well Elijah," Bullfrog started but out of the corner of his eye, he saw a small figure trying to climb over the fence at the side of the Edwards house. He recognized the curly hair and immediately ran over. "Clare Diana Edwards! What do you think you're doing?"

Bullfrog grabbed Clare underneath her arms as well as he could and brought her over the fence and fixed her hair and clothes. "You could've gotten hurt!" Bullfrog said almost loudly. "What were you trying to do?"

"Escape!" Clare yelled. Bullfrog was surprised that three year old knew that word. "Mommy and Daddy are yelling! Too loud!"

Bullfrog immediately felt bad. A three year old should not have to be around that so he made a quick decision. He picked up Clare into his arms and held out his hand for Elijah to take. They headed to the Goldsworthy house where Cece was very surprised to see Clare in her husband's arms. "Clare-Bear!" she said happily. Bullfrog put Clare into Cece's arms and the two exchanged a curious look but Cece changed her face and turned to Clare. "Do you want to have some cookies?"

"Yes!" Clare yelled. Cece brought Clare into the kitchen and passed her a chocolate chip cookie. Now go play with Elijah in the other room okay?" Clare nodded and ran off to the living room and Cece called Bullfrog's name. He came into the kitchen with a sighing expression.

"What happened? I thought you guys were having your weekly playdate?" Cece inquired.

"Randall didn't show up with Clare so we went over to their house. I heard Randall and Helen fighting, _loud_," Bullfrog said softly so Eli and Clare wouldn't hear. "Like, full on arguing. Then I saw Clare trying to climb the fence, trying to escape, she says. I couldn't just leave her there, you know? I think we should call them so that they know Clare's safe."

Cece nodded and called Helen's numbers. "Hi Helen…no, I'm fine…actually, I need to tell you something. Bullfrog found Clare trying to leave your house…she's fine, she's here with us and Elijah…no, she's not hurt. She told Bullfrog that she was trying to escape…oh…well Bullfrog did hear somethings when he tried to come over…no, I'm not implying that you're a bad mother! How can you think that? I—….People fight Helen! Clare was just scared! She's three for goodness sake!...No, I'm sorry for yelling…Of course, it's okay if Clare stays here for the night. Elijah will love us for this…we still have some extra clothes here. Okay, you're welcome Helen. We'll see you tomorrow."

Cece hung up the phone and walked into the living room where Clare and Eli were sharing Clare's cookie. Eli's piece was still there while Clare's was gone. Eli saw how sad Clare got so he offered her his piece and she smiled, kissed his cheek, and devoured the last piece. Cece couldn't help but aww at this sweet moment between her son and the girl Cece hoped would have his heart in the future. But they were only three and Cece pushed those thoughts into the back of her mind.

"Clare, you're sleeping here tonight!" Cece clapped happily and Clare started to scream in joy. She and Eli ran around the living room. Bullfrog came back in and started chasing the kids around, making the noise in the house much louder and even more high-pitched. Cece watched at the couch, smiling at the goofiness of her husband, sweetness of her son, and adorableness of Clare. Bullfrog pretended to be a dinosaur and Clare and Elijah quickly played along and started to hold onto each other, trying to get away from Bullfrog, the T-Rex. He picked up Clare and lifted her above his head as she flailed around and he put her down and she ran into Cece's arms.

Cece loved these times. Holding her innocent child and the girl who could be her child considering how much time they really spent together. She started to tickle Clare's sides and Clare began to giggle and drop down to the floor, trying to push Cece's hands away. Clare's smile took Cece's breath away and she held Clare close in her arms. She took Elijah into her arms as well and held the two together.

Hours later, Elijah and Clare were asleep in Elijah's bed. Clare was cuddled into Elijah's front, her head tucked underneath his neck and her arm around his torso. Cece tucked them into bed with a bedtime story but before she even finished, Clare and Eli were wrapped up in each other sleeping. Cece kissed Elijah and Clare's foreheads and left the room.

Cece couldn't help but wish that they would stay this age forever. Innocence, purity, smiles. Cece knew it would quickly disappear and she planned to cherish this time with them as much as she could. But she thought back to the life Clare must be living at home. Having to hear her parents fighting and yelling. It's bound to have an effect on her.

Cece made a mental note to invite Clare over much more often to avoid hearing her parents fight. The weekly Thursday playdates would be at the Goldsworthy house, Clare would also spend Saturday with them, and whenever Helen couldn't stay home to watch Clare, Cece would offer to watch her. What she heard over the phone with Helen, glass breaking and an angry man, terrified her. She could only imagine what it was like for Clare. Cece hadn't realized that her best friends were fighting like that and what she thought was a perfect marriage and a perfect family was definitely the opposite.

* * *

><p><strong>I hope you enjoyed the cuteness at the beginning but now we're getting to the more dramatic parts of the story! Is it confusing that I bounce back and forth from ages? I hope not. I like writing this way, makes it more interesting! For me anyways.<strong>

**Please review and read my newest story "Unrequited"! **

**Thanks for reading!**


	5. Age Nine

**Age Nine**

Clare and Elijah sat on the floor at the coffee table of the Goldsworthy house. Their food was on the table while their gazes were firmly on the TV in front of them. They were watching _FRIENDS_, Bullfrog and Cece's favorite show. Although they were nine years old, both Clare and Elijah loved the show as well. Most of the time they had no idea what was going on but they would laugh whenever the crowd in the show laughed.

"Why doesn't Rachel see that Ross loves her?" Clare asks curiously. "I mean, just look at how Ross looks at her. It's like he thinks that she's an angel or something. Obviously he loves her and Rachel doesn't see that."

"I think she does see it," Elijah replied. "Maybe she's just scared to say that she does because she doesn't know how she feels yet."

"But that's dumb, they obviously love each other," Clare said. "Cece, do you think Rachel loves Ross too?"

"I think so," Cece said from the couch. "They love each other."

"Then why aren't they together?" Clare asked.

Cece sat up fully from the couch and set aside her own plate and looked at Clare. It amazed her that her son and Clare, both nine years old, were mature enough to fathom the idea of love. It was strange. But she remembered that for some reason, both Clare and Elijah were out-of-the-box children. "Honey, it's not always that simple. Love is complicated. Just because two people love each other doesn't mean that they're automatically going to be together. I think Rachel's probably scared to be with Ross."

"That's dumb," Clare concluded. "They love each other. They should be together and get married."

"Time will tell, honey," Cece assured her. "But think about this. If they got together, then what would they do with the rest of the TV show? It might get boring to watch!"

Clare laughed and turned back to the TV. She thought about what Cece said. Two people who love each other may not mean that they should be or are going to be together. Clare was under the impression that if you love someone, you should be with them. At least, that's what her parents lead her to believe. But…love wasn't simple, Clare realized. She didn't know what it was like to "love" someone but seeing her parents together, seeing Elijah's parents, and couples on TV, she imagined love to be like that. She saw her parents fight a lot, she saw Elijah's parents argue once in a while, and she saw Rachel and Ross bicker.

"I don't ever want to be in love," Clare blurted out. Elijah, Bullfrog, and Cece all looked at her curiously. "It doesn't seem fun."

"You say that now," Cece chuckled. "You're only nine Clare. I guarantee you'll change your mind."

That night, Elijah and Clare were laying down in Eli's bed. It was Saturday and usually, Clare slept over at the Goldsworthy household. It became her favorite day of the week because she spent the entire day with her best friend. Although they were both already in the same class, she still wanted to spend all of her time with Elijah and vice-versa.

"Psst, Clare," Elijah whispered in the dark. He noticed that it was past midnight but he really needed to talk to Clare. "Wake up."

"What Elijah?" Clare woke up groggily beside him and said. "I was having a good dream."

"I need to ask you something," Elijah said as he sat up on the bed.

Clare rubbed her eyes and adjusted to the darkness of the room and watched Eli as he sat up and moved a bit to face her. "What is it?" she asked seriously.

"Did you really mean it when you said you don't want to be in love?"

Clare was caught off guard by the question and chuckled. "Why?"

"I don't know, I was just wondering," Elijah replied shrugging. "It just seems like…a rash decision. You've never been in love so why would you choose not to experience it?"

Clare was fully awake now and she sat up, facing Eli. "It just…doesn't seem like love is a great thing. My parents say they're in love but…they fight more often than they talk. Even Rachel and Ross aren't together even though they're in love. What about love does it make it special? I can't imagine loving someone like that."

"Well my parents say they love each other a lot and they are really happy," Elijah told Clare. "And they both told me before that people who love each other are bound to disagree."

"Yeah but your parents don't fight as much as mine do. And they pay so much more attention to Darcy just because she's in junior high now. I don't…I just don't think—"

"Think what?"

Clare sighed deeply and laid back down on the bed. "The whole love thing? I'm probably not meant for it."

Elijah slowly laid beside Clare and put a hand up to her cheek, turning her head to his direction. "You'll fall in love eventually, Clare. If it means anything, I love _you_. Maybe not like the 'get married' love but the 'best friend' love. You're my best friend and I'll always love you like that. I always tell my mom that you're my best friend and she asks me 'do you love her?' and I always say yes. I never told you before but now, I can. Just remember that someone does love you."

Clare couldn't help but smile. She put her arm around Elijah's torso and snuggled herself closer into Elijah's body. Her head went into the crook of Elijah's neck and he hugged her closer, resting her head on the top of Clare's. He covered them with his comforter and kissed Clare on her forehead.

"I love you too, Elijah. You're my best friend too," Clare said softly. "Do you think we'll fall in love one day? I think we could."

"Maybe," Elijah admitted truthfully. "In a lot of those cheesy movies, they start off as best friends first."

"I wouldn't mind it if we loved each other like that," she smiled. "I can't picture being with someone else like I am with you."

A few minutes later Elijah knew that Clare had fallen asleep finally. Her breathing became shallow and heavy. He was wide awake though. He was holding the girl he loved with all of his heart in his arms. Although he was only nine years old, Elijah knew what love was. Clare was told by her parents what love is and here she was, not wanting to be in love. On the other hand, Elijah was told what love is by his own parents and he knew right away that he was in love with Clare.

"_One day Elijah, you're going to be in love with someone like your mom and I are in love," Bullfrog told his son. "You're going to want to be with that person all of the time, you're going to want to do everything for them, you're going to want to make them happy, you're going to want to hurt the person that makes them cry, you're going to want to hug them and kiss them forever. When you find that person, Elijah, never let them go, okay? Love like that doesn't come very often."_

When Bullfrog was telling that to him, Elijah only pictured Clare in his mind. He wanted to be with her all of the time and wanted to make her happy. He knew that Clare probably wasn't even remotely close to realizing his feelings for her or her true feelings for him but he would wait. He would wait forever if he had to.

* * *

><p>"<em>I cannot believe you allow my nine year old daughter sleep in the same bed as your nine year old son!<em>"

Eli opened his eyes slowly and adjusted to the light coming in through his windows. He heard slight talking and bickering outside his cracked open door and he looked down to see that Clare was still sleeping in his arms. He smiled and pressed a kiss into Clare's hair but then suddenly the door opened wider and an angry looking Helen Edwards looked at him and Clare. He suddenly closed his eyes and he knew Clare's mom didn't notice he was awake yet.

"They should not be in the same bed! You have a guest room!" she exclaimed loudly to Bullfrog and Cece who were standing at the doorway. "They may be young but they're getting closer to the edge when they might want to…do other things! Especially boys. Boys get those feelings faster than girls! See his arm around her! They slept like this all night?"

"Helen, we should take this somewhere else, they're still sleeping," Cece tried to pull Helen out of the room but Helen only shrugged off Cece's hand.

"No, I'm taking Clare now and we're leaving," Helen huffed. She went over to the bed and grabbed Clare's hand which was wrapped around Eli's body. Clare started awake and had no time to register what was going on until she was pulled out of bed by her mother.

"What's going on?" she squealed as she got to her feet. Clare tugged her arm away from her mom's grip but Helen's hand was firmly attached. "Mom, what are you doing?"

"You're not sleeping over here anymore Clare," Helen said seriously. "I cannot sleep realizing you are sleeping with a boy."

"Mrs. Edwards, please," Eli pleaded but Helen held up a finger at him, stopping him from speaking.

"You will not sleep in the same bed as my nine year old daughter, you hear? I know what feelings you might have for Clare and I will not allow her to make any stupid and irrational decisions because of your growing hormones!" It was no secret that Helen was livid. She grabbed Clare's duffel bag from Eli's floor and dragged Clare out of the room and they headed out of the Goldsworthy household, leaving the three Goldsworthys confused.

"What is she talking about?" Elijah scoffed. "She knows that Clare and I have slept in the same bed for years."

"I don't know what her problem is," Cece rolled her eyes. "But she is Clare's mother so we have to respect her decision. I'll talk to her in a few days, give her time to cool off."

Cece and Bullfrog closed Elijah's door and he plopped back down on his bed. What happened to Clare's mom for her to come into his room in a rage and force Clare out? But whatever Helen said, it wouldn't stop Elijah from spending nights with Clare. He wanted to be with her and knew Clare would much rather sleep with him than alone in her own bed.

* * *

><p>"Mom! That was so rude of you!" Clare stomped into her house and dropped her stuff at the staircase. She noticed her father stand up from the living room couch. Clare turned to her mother and said, "What is your problem?"<p>

"Clare Diana Edwards, don't use that tone with me! I come home from my business trip and your father tells me you're spending the night with Elijah and this morning I found out you're in bed with him! You're nine years old Clare, you cannot be sleeping in the same bed with him!"

"What do you think I'm going to do, mother? I'm not stupid! Elijah is my best friend and he makes me feel better about myself. I want to be around him! I've been sleeping in his bed for years!" Clare shouted. "There is nothing you can say that will make me stop going to his house and sleeping over."

"You are not going to sleep in his bed and that is final," Helen said seriously. "I do not want to have a child who will wind up pregnant in a few years."

Clare's jaw dropped and Randall stepped closer. "Helen, don't be irrational. Clare is smart."

"How can you even say that?" Clare's voice was full of hurt. "I can't believe you."

"Darcy has never slept in the same bed as another boy and—" Helen started but Clare interrupted her.

"Darcy has never had a close friend as I have in Elijah," Clare said sternly. "I have known him since I was a baby and I trust him. And what does Darcy have anything to do with this? I'm not Darcy, she's not me, don't compare us."

"I will do whatever I want Clare. You are grounded for three months for back-talking and making those kinds of decisions. You are not allowed at Elijah's house for that amount of time. And one more thing. Your father and I are giving you and Darcy purity rings."

Clare had no idea what those were. "What is that?"

"A ring symbolizing your promise to God that you will stay pure until marriage," Helen explained quickly. "You will have one and you will honor that promise, unless you want to be a sinner and a slut."

"Helen!" Randall shouted angrily. "Do not speak that way to Clare!"

"Are you calling me a sinner and a slut?" Clare asked spitefully.

"No but if you don't promise to stay a virgin until marriage then I will."

Tears were filling up in Clare's eyes but she tried to wipe them away. "Whatever makes you happy,_ mother_." She practically growled. "But just do one thing. Apologize to the Goldsworthys for being rude. You don't just barge into someone's house and room. Didn't your parents teach you manners?"

What happened next would strain the relationship between Helen and Clare forever. When Helen's hand connected to Clare's cheek, it seemed as if the sound echoed through the entire house. Darcy's footsteps were heard and she looked through the living room and knew what happened when she saw what Clare was doing.

Clare clutched her face and bit her lip. She was frozen. She didn't know what to do. So instead she just stood there and waiting for someone to say something.

"We taught you manners Clare, where did they go?" Helen said softly but angrily at the same time. "Go to your room."

Clare didn't need to be told twice. She grabbed her duffel and ran up the stairs. She didn't even bother to stay and listen to her father scold her mother, which she knew would happen. The only person in her family who stood up for her was her father and for that reason, she knew she couldn't just run away although she wanted to so badly sometimes.

Clare slammed the bedroom door which she shared with Darcy. She went under the covers and cried. The stinging on her cheek wasn't going away and that only made her cry more. In a few minutes she was called a sinner and a slut by her mother and slapped. After the perfect day with the Goldsworthys, everything just went downhill.

"Clare?"

"Go away Darcy. Just go away."

Clare felt the bed sink as Darcy sat down beside her. She felt Darcy's hand try to pull the comforter away from body and head but Clare held it tightly.

"She didn't mean any of that Clare. She was just angry."

"Why is she always angry at me and never at you? I never tell them about how you sneak out at night. They never find out that you have a boyfriend. I spend a night with my best friend who is the son of her best friend and she calls me names and hits me. So don't try to make me feel better Darcy. You're the perfect one. Just go away and leave me alone."

Darcy got off the bed and Clare heard the door open. "Maybe you are a slut," she heard Darcy say. "I'm trying to be nice to you and all you are is spiteful to me. So when you come home pregnant, don't come crying to me."

Once Darcy was gone, Clare pushed the comforters off of her and grabbed her duffel again. She stuffed clean clothes into it, a picture of her and Eli, a thin blanket, and a towel. She opened the balcony door and threw the duffel onto the grass a story below her. She scaled the side of the house, knowing her parents wouldn't notice, and she ran down the street.

She didn't know where she would go but she wanted to get as far away as she could from her mom and sister. She hated them so much because they hated her and she didn't know why.

By the time it was getting darker Clare saw a sign saying that she was heading towards the next city. She had been walking that long not realizing it but she just kept going.

She stopped at a diner and ordered pancakes. An hour later she saw a policeman approach her. "Are you Clare Edwards?" he asked.

"Yes," she admitted. "Sadly I am."

"A family called the police and filed a missing person's report for a young girl that matches your description. I know there is a reason you ran away but we have to take you home." This policeman seemed caring and understanding and Clare just sighed and followed him out to the police car. She sat in the backseat and stared out the window, watching as she was being driven back to her life.

"I had a daughter who ran away once," she heard the policeman say. "She was around your age. It broke my heart when I realized she had packed some things and took off. Things may seem a little impossible right now but running away isn't the answer. Promise me you won't make your parents go through this again, even if you think they deserve it. I don't actually like driving around nine year olds in my cop car."

This actually made Clare crack a smile. "I promise."

"Good," the policeman said.

Clare noticed that they were driving into Eli's neighborhood and when they stopped in front of Elijah's house, she said, "Why are we here?"

"Your family reported you missing," the policeman replied confused. "They've been worried about you."

"So…the family _here_ called you?" Clare came to the realization that it wasn't her parents who called the police. It was the Goldswothys.

"Yes, they were worried sick when we showed up here." The policeman carried Clare's bag to the door and it had opened rather quickly. Cece was there to grab Clare into a tight hug.

"Thank you so much for bringing her home to us," Cece told the officer as she hugged Clare. Over Cece's shoulder she saw Elijah wiping his tears away quickly and smiling. "Really, thank you so much."

"No problem ma'am," the officer said. "And Clare, remember our deal okay?"

"I will," Clare smiled. She watched the officer walk away and just let herself feel comfortable in Cece's arms.

"When Darcy picked up the phone at your house and said you were gone, we were worried sick!" Cece exclaimed.

"Do my parents realize I left?" Clare asked quietly.

"We don't know honey," Cece admitted. "But we are glad you are here. What happened?"

Clare told Cece, Elijah, and Bullfrog the entire story. After some tears and many hugs, Bullfrog decided to drive Clare home. Elijah came too and they watched as Clare didn't go to the front door. Instead she scaled the house with the duffel on her back. Once she made it safely onto the balcony, she waved the Elijah and Bullfrog. She opened the door and saw that Darcy was already sleeping. As quietly as possible, Clare changed and went into her bed.

"Clare?"

Clare didn't reply to Darcy. She just ignored her.

"I just want you to know that…they didn't notice you left."

"Good," Clare replied.

"And one more thing, Clare."

"What?"

"They love me more."

"I know."

Clare cried herself to sleep quietly that night and for many nights after.

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><p>This was heartbreaking to write but it had to be done. Sorry it took me a while to update. I needed to take a break and focus on myself and school but I'm back. I hope you enjoyed. Told you guys it wasn't a happy love story. ;)<p>

P.S. I loved the new promo. Using fireworks and sparks was a fantastic idea.

PLEASE REVIEW!


	6. Age Seventeen

**I am sorry if there are tears inflicted or if I offend anyone by this chapter. But yeah…just read it at your own risk. I told you this won't be a happy story.**

**Age 17 **

Eli was roped into going trick-or-treating that Halloween night. Not only did Adam want to go trick-or-treating, Clare thought it would be fun to walk around and watch little kids squeal for joy at receiving candy and to see the creative costumes people made. It was two against one and Eli had no choice but to join them. He sure wasn't going to spend his own Halloween night constantly opening the door to hand out candy with his mom.

Clare, on the other hand, was excited to spend a non trick-or-treating Halloween with Eli. Last year, Eli and his dad had gone to a comic book convention over Halloween and the year before that, Eli had gotten in trouble and had to stay home. It would be the first time they weren't trick-or-treating together and that made Clare feel older and happy. She was waiting for Eli to pick her up around 8 and they would go to Adam's house and drive to the park, leave Morty there, and walk. Although she wouldn't be trick-or-treating, she decided to wear a costume. Alli, her best friend besides Adam and Eli, picked out an angel outfit for the fitting Saint Clare. Alli still had no idea that Clare and Eli had taken their relationship to the next level. No one knew.

Dressed in her outfit and her hair curly to perfection, Clare stepped outside her house and into Eli's hearse. Eli's jaw had dropped when he saw his girlfriend and Clare giggled. "I take it that you like the costume?"

"Like it? I love it," Eli practically growled. He pulled Clare to him and captured her lips ravenously, his hands travelling all around her body. Clare squealed and pushed him away gently.

"Not here," she said blushing. "We have to get to Adam's."

"Come on Clare, how can I not do anything when you look like this?" Eli almost whined. He passionately kissed her again and then finally settled in the driver's seat and started to drive. Once they got to Adam's they went inside to find him dressed as a vampire.

"Why?" Eli asked confused.

"Every girl is in love with vampires right now!" Adam exclaimed. "I thought it would be fitting. Why aren't you wearing a costume?"

"Not my thing," Eli shrugged in response.

"You could be the devil to compliment Clare's angel, oh wait!"

Eli smacked Adam on his shoulder. "Owww," Adam yelled. "It was just a joke. Clare, control your man!"

"Oh she knows how to control me," Eli winked to Clare suggestively and Adam had to look away and control his vomit. Clare turned extremely red and covered her face.

It always embarrassed Clare whenever Eli was even a little bit suggestive about their…extra curriculars. It's not like they had sex that often. Actually they hadn't had sex since their first time but they often did more things. It became a regular thing.

"Okay, I don't want to know anything," Adam had his ears plugged now. "Can we just go?"

"Please," Clare blushed. She dashed out the door and Eli and Adam still stood at the doorway.

"What's up with her?" Adam asked curiously.

Eli merely shrugged. "I don't know. She was fine earlier. Guess that whole thing just embarrassed her. You know Clare, she hates talking about that stuff. But you know—"

Adam plugged his ears once again and shut his eyes. "I swear to God if I have to hear another innuendo from your mouth again…"

"Okay, okay," Eli laughed and shook his hands in front of Adam's face. "I promise to keep the talk down to a minimum around you. I see it makes you uncomfortable."

Adam glared at him. "Clearly. You guys are my best friends but please, I don't want to hear about what you guys do in your spare time. Now we should go before Clare gets even more upset. Candy awaits me!"

They stepped outside and saw Clare already sitting in the middle of the row seating in the front of Eli's car. Eli saw her texting once he got settled into the car, Adam on the other side of Clare. Clare put her phone away once Eli started the ignition and drove.

"Who were you texting?" Eli asked.

"No one," Clare replied.

"No really, who were you texting?" Eli repeating himself, this time more serious.

Clare slightly turned to Adam who also had a confused look on his face and then turned back to her boyfriend. "Alli, if you really need to know but you don't need to know everything that I'm doing, you know? I'll text whoever I want to text but since you _need_ to know I was texting Alli because she wanted to know if her costume would be too much for a party she's going to. So there, there's the story. Want to know anything else, like who I texted in the past few days?"

It was clear that Clare was annoyed. The tension between the happy couple could be cut with an extremely old knife and Adam found it extremely comfortable to be witnessing it all. Clare crossed her arms over her chest and Eli sighed deeply and tightened his grip on the steering wheel.

"That's not necessary," Eli gritted through his teeth. "But I don't appreciate the sarcasm."

"Oh so it's only okay when you do it?" Clare retorted with a biting tone. "Because kidding around about what we do behind closed doors with someone else is appropriate to you."

"God dammit Clare, I was joking! Can't you talk a damn joke?" Eli's voice and tone was a lot deeper and louder than both Adam and Clare were used to. Adam slid to his right, practically attaching himself to the door beside him and he felt Clare getting closer to him as well. He couldn't blame her. When Eli's temper got bad, he would explode.

It remained quiet until Eli parked the car beside a curb at the park. No one made a move to get out. Adam felt extremely awkward as Eli just sat there, his hand over his forehead calming himself down. Clare started to see little children running around door to door and suddenly, with the quick change in the atmosphere around her, she didn't want to walk around with Eli and Adam anymore.

"Can you-, can you just let me out here? I'm gonna walk home by myself," Clare muttered quietly.

When Eli didn't move a centimeter, Adam opened the door and slid out. Clare glanced at Eli, still frozen, and she stepped out of the car. Adam shut the door behind her and put his hands in his pockets, looking at Clare.

"I'm sorry you had to see that." Clare was looking down at her shoes embarrassed. She hated it when Adam got caught in the middle of her and Eli's relationship. "That's…that's pretty rare."

"I have to admit, I don't think he has any say or any right to demand to know what you're doing but you did kind of blow up on him…" Adam said slowly. He had to watch his words. He didn't want to step on anyone's toes or hurt any more feelings tonight. "Are you sure you want to go? Eli would probably want to drive you, you know."

Clare just shook her head. "No, you guys go and have a good time. I seriously doubt that he would want to spend more time with me tonight. Just go. I'll text you tomorrow."

Adam nodded and got back into the car. Clare started walking on the sidewalk, towards The Dot, and she felt the quick passing of a car just feet away from her and saw that Eli had driven, or more like raced, away from there. She could smell the burning rubber and she fought her tears.

The last time they had fought that much was a year ago, when Eli had mistaken Wesley's sweet gesture in the theater for something completely different. That then led to their first intimate encounter but this had a different result. Eli was heading to some place with Adam and Clare was left alone, walking on the street.

Once she got to The Dot, she took a seat at the counter. It was relatively empty that night except for a few older couples and Clare immediately felt out of place. She spent at least thirty minutes just sitting there and normally a worker would just kick a customer out for doing that but the one working that night was Peter and it wasn't like he was going to kick out his ex-girlfriend's distraught looking little sister. He had left her a chocolate chip cookie which she ended up eating at some point and then she left after saying a thank you to him.

It had gotten colder by that point and a lot darker. Clare's costume was a thin one but covered all of her body, arms and legs. She hugged her body closer to get warm and she swore she saw her own breath in the air. Clare hated walking by herself at night but she couldn't really call anyone to pick her up. Her mom would probably be getting ready to sleep, her dad was at his condo across town, Sav was probably at that party that Alli mentioned, and Clare sure as hell wasn't going to call Eli. She even checked her phone to make sure she didn't miss any calls or texts from him but there was none.

Clare started going through a shortcut to get to her house more quickly but that meant going through a dark alley. She had to do it though, she just wanted to go home. Keeping her gaze down at her shoes she was completely startled when she saw a dark figure at the end of the dark alley. By the looks of it, it was a hooded figure and pretty tall, obviously a male. She started to walk back, terrified already, but the figure started walking towards her.

"Don't be like that little angel," the dark figure said. His voce got nearer and nearer although Clare was walking as quickly as she could backwards in the dark.

Once Clare realized that he was way too close for comfort, which was about fifteen feet away from her, she turned the opposite direction and ran. She ran as fast as she could but the figure following her was faster. He gripped her covered arm and pulled her back. Panting, with her heart practically bursting out of her chest, Clare got a look at whoever it was that got her. He had dark eyes, a pale face, and facial hair. It was some older male that she didn't know but she didn't care. She struggled against him, fighting him the best she could.

Her mouth was covered with a cold, rough hand. This caused her screams to be muffled and she tried to bite his fingers but his grip around her mouth only tightened, causing her to struggle to breathe.

"You're beautiful," he whispered in her ear. "Can't believe someone would let a girl like you walk alone at this time."

He gripped her waist and pulled her further into the alley. She was pushed into the cold brick wall and she felt herself get weak once her body hit the wall roughly. She tried to scream again but his hand covered her mouth immediately. His other hand went around her neck as his body was completely pressed up against hers.

Clare started to imagine what would happen to her. She imagined the worse things, since she was pretty pessimistic, but then she started to think of Eli. He was supposed to be her knight in shining armor, her prince, her hero and every sappy thing she could think of. Where was he? How could he let this happen to her?

Suddenly Clare felt chapped and rough lips pressing against hers and she tightened her mouth shut, refusing to submit. But whoever it was that was doing this to her just started to kiss down her jaw and neck while a hand went to cover Clare's mouth again.

Then she heard a zipper.

She tried to scream.

She felt hands around her thighs and around her most sensitive area.

She tried to fight.

In seconds she was entirely exposed, her clothes ripped, her underwear gone.

She lost the fight. She lost herself.

* * *

><p>"<em>Please…don't…just, please, I'm-"<em>

"_Shut…up…oh God…fuck…"_

_She cried. She fought. She squirmed. She hurt. She felt herself getting torn apart._

_All she heard was a mixture of grunting and moaning from this still nameless man and her crying completely muffled. He still kept a good hold over her mouth as another arm held her up by her waist, legs forced apart, his body between them._

"_Oh my God…holy shit…"_

"_Just stop please!"_

"_Shut up!"_

_It was rough. It was terrible. It hurt like hell. Within minutes it was over but to Clare, it seemed like hours. She was dropped to the ground, her arms catching herself, and all she could do was cry. She couldn't even feel the pain she felt between her legs, all she could focus on was the fact that this had just happened to her. Fabric was thrown over her and Clare saw the blue silk._

_How ironic. The angel costume that was ripped off of her._

"_You were good, thought you'd be a virgin." Clare was hardly listening. She continued to bawl. She heard their footsteps going away and once she knew the man was gone, she dressed herself again. It hurt to stand, it hurt to move, but somehow Clare managed to get herself home._

_She barely made it into her bedroom before she collapsed on the floor. She cried herself to sleep._

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><p>Eli was Clare-less for a week. She hadn't been at school, she wasn't answering her phone, her mother wouldn't let him in the house to visit her. That Halloween night Adam and Eli went to a party, the one Sav went to, and Eli was still bitter about that fight that he hadn't contacted Clare all weekend. But once school came around he had gotten over it and planned to make up with Clare but she hadn't shown up. Maybe she was sick, maybe she was avoiding him. Eli didn't know but he needed to find out.<p>

Once lunch time came around, Eli left campus and drove to Clare's house. It was easy to scale her house and climb onto her balcony and he saw her through the glass. She was laying in bed sleeping, plates on her bedside table, empty water bottles, and some empty tissue boxes. Eli's heart dropped at the sight.

He opened the unlocked door and whispered her name. "Clare. I'm sorry."

Clare still didn't move and Eli went over to her bed. He slowly put a hand on her shoulder and in literally a second, his hand was pushed away, Clare was standing on the other side of her room with her hands wrapped around herself. "Don't touch me," she said in a shaking voice.

Eli put his hands up. "I won't, I promise," he whispered. "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry." Clare was on the verge of tears and Eli immediately started to profusely apologize. "I'm sorry for hurting you, I'm sorry for being so controlling or whatever, I can't help it. But I'm going to try to stop, okay? I love you and I hate to see you so hurt and so upset, especially at me. I love you Clare and I don't want to lose you so whatever you want me to do, I'll do it. I'll be here to keep you safe and protect you and if you don't want me to touch you, that's okay. I just…I just don't want you to be mad at me anymore."

"Will you just…give me some space? I'm not ready." Clare barely said this but Eli did hear it loud and clear. He nodded and watched as Clare went back into bed, practically crawling into a fetal position. He heard her sniffling and he couldn't bear to see her like this. He walked towards the door once again and before leaving he said, "I love you so much Clare."

He wanted to hear her say it back but she didn't. He left, vowing to himself to give her all the space she needed. He was going to fix this however she wanted.

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><p><strong>This was seriously the most depressing, saddest, most difficult thing I ever wrote in my life, which is why I took long to write it. If I offended you I am so sorry. If I made you cry I am so sorry. If I made you want to attack me…please don't.<strong>

**This might not have been the chapter you wanted to read after that crazy new promo that premiered today (June 17) – seriously, that promo was insane – but hey, it had to be done.**

**Share your thoughts about the promo along with your reaction to this chapter in a review. Yeah? Please, I actually want to know if people are still reading this story.**

**OH I'm on summer break now so expect more and more updates on this story and Unrequited (which you should read if you haven't).**

**Please review! Thanks for reading!**


	7. Age Eighteen  Part 1

**Intense chapter. Ready?**

* * *

><p><strong>Age 18 – Part 1<strong>

The next month Eli was a wreck. Clare still hadn't talked to him and he gave her the space she wanted. He didn't push, he didn't talk to her unless she talked to him, he didn't hover, and he didn't watch her every move because he knew if Clare saw that, she'd just pull away from him more. But there was silence between them for a month so far and he was going crazy.

"I understand what I did was wrong," he was saying to Adam while in his home. "I looked back and saw that I was being kind of an asshole boyfriend to her and she doesn't deserve that at all which is why I'm doing what she asked me. I just didn't realize it would be taking this long to get back together with her."

It was clear that Eli was distraught and Adam felt pretty bad for him. Eli looked skinnier, more exhausted probably from lack of sleep, and his grades seemed to be falling too. Adam caught a glimpse of a math test that Eli was stuffing into his backpack during school that day and it had a big fat D on it.

"Clare was really upset," Adam sighed. "And you know girls…need time to think."

"But I'm also really worried about her," Eli confessed. "She doesn't even smile anymore. I never see her in the cafeteria eating or at The Dot for lunch when we're there. I even asked someone from our English class to tell me if they saw Clare eating lunch that day and they said no. They saw her in the media immersions room. And she looks so much skinnier and more pale and it worries me Adam. You have to admit that it's worrying you too."

Adam nodded. "Oh yeah, when I saw Clare sleeping in our history class it definitely shocked me. But she woke up like five minutes later and kept doing her work. She just doesn't sleep in class and I didn't peg her to be someone who didn't eat lunch."

"I really messed up didn't I?" Eli groaned into his hands and sat back on the couch.

"It could be something else you know? Or not just that," Adam said. "Maybe things going on with her family?"

Eli sat up and his face lit up a bit. "You know, you're right. Her parents have never really gotten along, well not as long as I've known Clare and her family. Plus Darcy has started to become the 'problematic' child of the family."

Adam raised an eyebrow. "Clare was the problematic one?"

"Hell no," Eli scoffed. "Her mom just called her that. Her mom has always taken things hard on Clare. No matter what Clare did, no matter how great she is at school, her mom always said 'Do better' or 'Darcy did' blah blah blah. Breaks Clare's heart every time. Whenever it happens she stays over at my house."

"She's here a lot," Adam realized. "Which means…"

Eli nodded, closing his eyes and pressing his lips into a thin line. "All the time, my friend."

"But…why?" Adam asked. "Clare is a saint."

"I know which is why the whole thing is a mess. I've never understood why Helen was so hard on Clare. Even my parents think it's messed up. And Randall, Clare's dad, was here one time and I overheard him and my dad talking about Clare. Randall admitted that he had no clue why Helen was like that. Randall's the one that sticks up for Clare but he works all of the time and he's not there." Eli thought back to the times that he was at Clare's house doing homework with her and Helen walking in, criticizing Clare about a B plus on an English essay. Thankfully Randall was there to calm things down, saying he and Clare had had their monthly dinner together the night before it was due and didn't get home until late. Helen backed off but the damage was done. Clare stayed at Eli's that night, with Randall's consent.

"What about Darcy? What'd she do to be the problematic one now?" Adam asked.

"Their parents caught Darcy with a guy in her bed," Eli laughed, rolling his eyes. He hated Darcy. As much as he wanted to like Clare's sister he just couldn't. He even wanted to throw up at the memory of him having a crush on her when he was younger. "Apparently her shirt and bra was off, his hands were very curious, and he had had a condom wrapper ripped open. Helen went ballistic on them and Randall was practically gonna kill the guy. Ever since then there was tension in that house and all of their attention was put on Darcy and Clare hasn't really been getting picked on by Helen."

"Who was the guy?"

Eli shot him a look. "Does it matter? This is about Clare."

"Right," Adam shook his head. "Sorry. But since Darcy's the one getting the slack, Clare should be happy about it right?"

"I was actually thinking about this," Eli began. He sat up more on the couch and had his elbows on his knees. "Everything Clare ever wanted was for some positive attention from her parents. Sure Randall always praised her for her school work and theater work but never Helen. Now that Helen's attention is more on Darcy, Clare should be relieved but no. Now Clare isn't receiving any attention at all. Randall's focus in on Darcy too which means…Clare's just alone in her house."

Adam's face fell. He had no idea what a terrible at home life his best friend actually had. "And since you guys are on a sorta break…Clare has nowhere to turn."

Eli nodded. "Which is why I'm worried about her."

Adam took his beanie off and ran his hand through his hair. "What are we gonna do? I mean, we can't just kidnap her out of that house and since you guys aren't talking, she can't stay at someone else's place."

"Well you know her birthday's coming up," Eli smiled. He loved celebrating Clare's birthday. It was a reminder of the day she came into his life and would never go. He loved that day because that day, the love of his life was born. It was his favorite day of the year. "I was thinking…we could throw her a party. Raise her spirits again, have some fun."

"Anything for Clare," Adam replied grinning. "And to party."

* * *

><p>The night before Clare's birthday, Eli and Adam were finalizing the details of Clare's surprise party. Bullfrog and Cece invited Helen and Randall out for dinner and a movie that night and they agreed, leaving Clare's house empty for the party. Adam asked about Darcy and if she'd be there but Eli knew that although Darcy was on lockdown, she'd sneak out anyways, leaving Clare alone in the house.<p>

Eli and Adam invited all of their friends and Sav was going to DJ, of course. Even Holly J was nice enough to let them use some of the old Degrassi dance decorations. "I think it's only appropriate to throw Saint Clare an awesome party," she had said. "Looks like she needs it."

The following morning, Clare's actual birthday – her eighteenth, Eli woke up rather early. He showered and spent more time on his hair and appearance. He drove to Clare's house and stood at her sidewalk with a bouquet of flowers until she finally came out.

When she did, Eli's heart fluttered. Even exhausted looking, Clare was still the most beautiful girl in the world. Today was no exception. She was wearing tight jeans and what looked like a new top. Clare looked at him and she smiled a bit.

"Hi," Eli said nervously. Clare walked up to him and his palms were exceptionally sweaty, the bouquet would just slip out of his hand. "Happy Birthday beautiful."

Clare blushed and took the bouquet that Eli had. "Thank you," she replied. Eli sighed at the sound of her voice. "How long were you waiting?"

"Uh…" Eli looked at his watch – one that Clare gave him. "Thirty minutes?"

"Oh," Clare looked down at her feet. "Sorry."

"It's okay," Eli assured her. He wanted to put a hand under her chin and lift up her head so he could look into her eyes but her words about not touching her hit him hard. He was weary about where his hands would do when he was around Clare now. "Do you want a ride to school?"

Clare nodded and slipped into Morty as Eli held the door open for her. She noticed a small box next to his backpack on the seat and Eli quickly hid it once he sat down and started the car. He smiled at her and he felt extremely happy. They were having some contact, they were arriving at school together, she smiled at him. Eli couldn't ask for more.

* * *

><p>The rest of the day Clare was in a better mood than she had been the past several weeks. She talked more and even had lunch with Eli and Adam at The Dot. Eli drove her home from school and he desperately wanted to kiss her but he restrained himself. Clare didn't seem to want to hug or kiss him so he made himself wait it out more.<p>

As seven neared, Eli, Adam, and all of their friends met up in front of Clare's house. They were all going to surprise Clare outside. Eli called Clare, who surprisingly answer her phone, and he told her to go out on her balcony. They all remained quiet until they saw Clare's light turn on, the balcony door open, and once she appeared they all yelled "Surprise!"

Eli couldn't read the expression on Clare's face. Was she happy? Was she upset? Did she not want a party? When Clare walked back into the house, everyone pretty much deflated. They all looked at each other, wondering what happened. But then Clare opened her front door with a smile and everyone ran to her, giving her a hug.

The last of the group, Eli stood awkwardly by himself as everyone went inside one by one after giving Clare a hug. They looked at each other and Eli put his hands in his pockets and walked to her. "Happy Birthday," he breathed. At that moment he wanted to just lean down and kiss her but he couldn't. Not until she said it was okay.

"You did this," Clare said. It was a fact, not an accusation.

"I did," Eli admitted. "I'm sorry if you don't like it, I just wanted to—"

Clare kissed him. It was a very brief, barely a second kiss, but it happened. Clare was smiling and Eli was taken back. He was now happy and content. Clare was back.

"Thank you," she said to him and he was assured that she was back. "No one has ever done something this nice for me."

"I love you, I would do anything for you," Eli smiled. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too," Clare admitted. "Let's go inside."

* * *

><p>Everybody left around 10:30 and Eli decided to stay behind, wanting to have some alone time with Clare before his parents would text him saying that Clare's parents was headed home. While he cleaned up the living room and kitchen, he found Clare sitting on the couch holding a little cat figure.<p>

"It's from Adam," Clare told him. Eli put down the garbage bag and sat down beside her, making sure to leave space between them. "He said he thought that it looked like me."

"If he meant cute and beautiful then yes, it looks like you."

All of a sudden Clare was practically attacking Eli with her lips. She was so quick that Clare had him pinned underneath her. Eli was finally kissing back but he was hesitant where to put his hands. They were in the air near Clare's waist but he clenched his fists, still not wanting to break the rule Clare had set.

"Touch me," Clare breathed against his lips. Eli's eyes rolled into the back of his head as pleasure overwhelmed him. Clare had never sounded so seductive before. "Touch me wherever you want. Just don't let go of me."

Having not had any contact with Clare for weeks, Eli was about to take things hard and fast but with Clare above him he sat up, bringing her to his lap. He wrapped his arms around her waist and leaned up to kiss her softly yet passionately. A hand went up to cup her cheek and he savored the soft touches and this beautiful moment. Clare's grip around his neck tightened a bit and he only responded by pulling her closer, if that was possible. Clare was pressing her hips down hard, getting a response from Eli's tight jeans and he had to bite his lip from letting out a moan.

"Love me," Clare whispered.

Eli looked up and saw the intense love and affection and even a hint of lust in Clare's eyes. He picked her up smoothly, her legs wrapping around his waist tightly, and they made their way upstairs and into Clare's bed. Quickly yet slowly, they undressed each other and loved each other in a way that was too pleasurable and too loving that they heard nothing else but each other's voices and breathing.

Coming down from their high and still trembling, Eli pressed a kiss to Clare's forehead who had yet to let go of his shoulders. They were under the covers now with heat from their bodies consuming them and the room. They were both still breathing heavy and Clare had her eyes closed, which Eli pressed his lips to as well.

"I love you," he whispered. "I will always love you. I'll never stop."

"I love you too," Clare replied with a shaky voice. "Don't leave me, okay?"

"Never," Eli promised. "I could never leave you."

Their eyes lingered on each other before leaning in again for a sweet kiss. But then everything came crashing down.

Clare's bedroom door was forced open, crashing to the wall, and Helen and Randall Edwards barged in. Their eyes widened at the sight of Clare and Eli in bed together.

Eli tried to pull the covers up more, hiding himself and Clare's naked bodies, but Helen was already trying to hit him. "Get off of her!" she screamed. "You dirty, rotten, sinful, terrible—"

"Mom stop!" Clare yelled as Eli was forced off of Clare's bed. He took the blankets with him, covering his exposed body, and thankfully Clare had her robe hanging off her headboard. She grabbed it and put it around her quickly and got out of bed.

Helen took the closest thing she could find, Clare's old baton that was lying around, and started to smack Eli with it. It was a very light baton and Helen wasn't very strong so Eli wasn't getting hurt but he could tell that he'd have some red marks from it.

Clare continued to shout at her mom and she looked to her dad for help. Eli noticed this from across the room, while trying to avoid getting hit in the face because that would hurt like hell, and he saw Clare begin to cry. Randall was doing nothing. Randall stood there idly, watching as his wife attacked him while Clare was begging for some help. He did nothing.

"Get out of this house! I don't ever want to see you here again! And you are not allowed to be with Clare anymore! You've turned her into a whore!"

Eli froze. Clare froze.

Clare was angry that her mother just said that they couldn't be together anymore.

Eli was more angry at the fact that Clare's mother just called his girlfriend a whore.

"Don't call her that," Eli practically growled.

"I will do whatever I want," Helen spat at him. "I am her mother."

"You're a terrible mother," Eli replied. Helen gasped. Eli looked at Randall, thinking he might get attacked by him, but Randall still hadn't moved. Then Eli turned his attention back to Helen. "Do you enjoy tearing down your daughter to tears almost every night? I hope you're proud."

Helen's hand swung at Eli's face, coming in contact with his cheek and causing him to wince at the sharp pain. He heard Clare scream and that pained him even more. He touched his throbbing cheek and turned back to Helen.

"I'll go now," he snarled quietly. He quickly grabbed his clothes from the floor and adjusted the blanket around his shoulders before heading out Clare's bedroom door. He managed to put on his boxers and jeans miraculously without falling down the stairs and left the blanket by the door. He saw Clare running after him and before running out of the house, Eli grabbed her and kissed her chastely.

"My jacket is still in your room. Keep it for now. Look in the pocket. I love you. I'm sorry. I'll find a way okay? We'll be together." Eli ran out the house as he heard Helen screaming from upstairs and he sped away in Morty. Once in his house he saw his parents sitting in the living room. They asked what happened and Eli told them everything. But all he could think about was what was happening in Clare's house. If Helen had gone that ballistic on him, he couldn't imagine what she was going to do with Clare who has gone through way worse.

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><p>"I cannot believe you, Clare Diana Edwards! I knew you were going to end up like this seeing as you were sleeping in his bed for years!" Helen hadn't quit yelling at her since Eli left, which was about ten minutes ago. She was not shy about letting her feelings out. She called Clare a slut, a whore, and a sinner many many times. "As I said you are not to see him anymore. I cannot have a pregnant child living in my household, that will be a disgrace!"<p>

"You know what's a disgrace?" Clare slammed the front door which was open since she watched Eli leave and she turned to her mother. "You and Dad getting a divorce, that's a disgrace. Divorce is frowned upon in our religion, just like pre-marital sex, so you are sinning just as much as I am. You are such a hypocrite! And don't give me that look. I overhear you guys talking all of the time. If you hadn't noticed I haven't left my room for other than school in three weeks! I didn't even come down to dinner! I was still here Mom and I heard every single discussion you had with Dad and last night you said you wanted a divorce and he said fine. So yeah, you're getting a divorce. Congratulations on sinning too."

Helen was about to speak when Clare cut her off. "Did you know? I'm eighteen today. None of you remembered expect for Eli, Adam, and my friends. They threw me a party here when you guys were gone and it was great. Then I went upstairs to make love with my boyfriend who happens to be the one person who cares enough and loves me enough to take the same verbal and physical abuse from my mother. You can't keep me from seeing him. He's the only one who cares about me."

Helen stepped closer to Clare and Clare only stood up straighter, looking her mother in the eye. Again, she was about to speak and Clare began talking again. "Oh and if you didn't notice, Darcy sneaked out. She has sneaked out every single night of her teenage life. But no, all you noticed is me being with Eli, not doing well enough in school when I'm the clear valedictorian of my class, and focusing on anything small thing I do wrong. Darcy had sex way before I did. She was fifteen when she lost her virginity. Want to know how I know? I found her stash of condoms underneath the floorboards and she had wrappers in her bed. She was never the better child but you never saw her flaws. You only saw mine and because of that, I will never feel good about myself. You ruined me for life."

"You are not going to see him," was Helen's only words. "Or their family. They are done being in our lives."

Helen trudged upstairs and slammed her bedroom door, leaving Clare and Randall still downstairs.

"You can't keep seeing him."

Clare looked up in shock. Did her dad, the only person in her family who stood up for her, actually say this?

"Daddy, please…"

"Look what he's done to you Clare. He took away your innocence. I can't even recognize you anymore."

Clare started to tear again. "I can't believe…"

"Clare, you have to understand—"

"I don't and I will never understand," Clare said angrily. "He truly is the only person who cares about me. If it wasn't for him, I don't know—" _where I'd be right now_.

"Clare-Bear, you are only seventeen—"

"I'm eighteen," Clare replied with her voice cracking, tears forming more rapidly. "I'm eighteen and you didn't even remember." She started running upstairs as Randall called after her.

Clare had done this so many times before. Come into her room crying and cry deeply into her pillow, trying to forget the crappy life that she had. But then she remembered what Eli said to her before leaving. "_My jacket is still in your room. Keep it for now. Look in the pocket._"

She found his leather jacket lying underneath the bed and she dug around into the pockets. In the final one she checked she found a tiny box. Opening it, her breath was taken away when she saw a ring inside. It wasn't diamonds or anything fancy. It was a simple band with engraved roses on the upper side. She looked into the inner part of the band and she saw a small message in a fancy script: _"Always yours –E"_

It fit perfectly on her left ring finger which still had her purity ring. She took off that ring and put it away. Instead she was now sporting the ring Eli gave her for her birthday. She would never take it off.

Clare laid back down in bed and closed her eyes, the night replaying in her mind. It was perfect up until her parents arrived. When she saw screaming at her mom it took all her might not to tell her what happened to her Halloween night. She still hadn't told anyone. She still couldn't admit to herself that she was…_raped._

When she was Eli this night there was the nagging feeling in her mind that the last person to touch her was someone who took advantage of her body and did so while she was unwilling. But holding onto the familiar body and having Eli protect her with his strong arms, she almost forgot. Almost.

Clare knew it was haunt her for the rest of her life. It changed her completely. She wasn't sleeping at night, just for maybe an hour in total. Whenever she did almost fall asleep she'd imagine the man's face again. How he touched her and hurt her.

Clare Edwards was tainted now. Any intimate encounter she'll have with Eli will always have the thoughts in the back of her mind about that night. She couldn't take it at all.

The night of her eighteenth birthday, Clare was at the lowest point in her life so far. She didn't know what she could do to raise herself back up. But at that point, she remembered Eli. He was there. He would help her. He'd help her forget. At this point, there was only them.

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><p><strong>The story will be over soon. Yeah, it's a pretty quick story. Oh and by the way, anything interesting about the age? Think about it and tell me what you think I'm implying.<strong>

**This is the hardest story I've ever written. This chapter was exceptionally challenging. My heart was breaking as I wrote it.**

**PLEASE review and tell me what you think. Thanks for all of the support and love so far. :) I'd love it if I got to at least 100 reviews before this story is over. If not, it's cool. **

**AND YES I DID CHANGE MY USERNAME – I am now [ only here in your arms ] because on Twitter I'm [ hereinyourarms_ ] and on Tumblr I'm [ -here-in-your-arms ] so I kind of wanted all of them to match. I should've changed it earlier but I didn't. D: Sorry if I confused you!**

**Review! Thanks for reading!**


	8. Age Five

**Age 5**

Little Clare Edwards was eagerly awaiting to leave for her first day of school. She'd be in kindergarten, in the same class as Elijah, and she was extremely excited to be in school and learn. Clare had Darcy's old alphabet and letter books and with the help of her dad and Elijah's parents, Clare already knew how to read and count numbers. Elijah was also advanced since now they wanted to one-up each other in knowing things.

With her small pink backpack already on and carefully brushing the skirt of her dress down, Clare walked downstairs expecting to see her parents also excited about her first day but she only saw Darcy sitting at the kitchen table eating cereal.

"Mom and Dad already left," Darcy said with a full mouth.

"But—but, it's my first day of school," Clare stuttered. Her mood was shot and she wanted to cry.

"Sorry," Darcy shrugged. "But they called Elijah's parents, they're coming to drive you to school."

"Okay," Clare replied sadly. She was happy she'd see Elijah's parents before going to school but she was looking forward to driving to school with her parents, giving them both hugs there, and saying goodbye to them. But since her parents left, it's not like she had a choice. So instead of crying and looking sad when Elijah and his parents picked her up she wiped her face and went to get an apple.

She heard the familiar sound of a horn from outside her house while eating her apple and she climbed onto a chair to look out the window. It was Bullfrog's car and she saw Bullfrog and Cece sitting in the front waving. Clare ran out of the house after saying a quick bye to Darcy and Bullfrog was out of the car holding out the door for Clare.

"Are you excited for your first day?" Bullfrog asked excitedly. He picked her up and placed her in the second car seat which was especially for her, putting her small bag down on the floor under her feet. As she was getting buckled in, Clare was practically jumping out her bones and clapping her hands.

"I'm so excited!" she was squealing. "Elijah, you're excited too right?"

Elijah was looking less than enthusiastic. "Yeah. Wooo."

"Come on Elijah! It's school! We're gonna learn things and get smart!"

Cece laughed from the front as Bullfrog started driving again. "Clare, you and Elijah are already smart!"

"Okay, then we'll get smarterer!" Clare started rambling on and on and on while Bullfrog and Cece exchanged looks at each other. Then they heard Clare mention her parents and they turned their attention to her. "Mommy and Daddy left early this morning and I don't know why, they know my first day was today! I thought I could show Daddy the new dress Mommy bought for me. But they were gone."

Cece and Bullfrog saw the immediate change in Clare's mood, from ecstatic to disappointed in about 3 seconds, and they were about to speak until Elijah piped up.

"But we get to spend more time together!" Elijah said happily. "Mom can Clare come back to our house after school?"

"Actually Helen asked if we could pick her up too so yes, she'll be coming over!"

Clare and Elijah began cheering and talking, not stopping until they pulled up to the school. Once parked Bullfrog got Clare and Cece picked up Elijah. When both kids were out of their car seats they ran to each other and continued to talk. This made Cece and Bullfrog smile. The special friendship between their son and Clare was something unlike any other. They practically spent all of their time together but they never fought, they always shared, and they always learned together. It was as if they couldn't get enough of each other.

Bullfrog bent at the knees to get in level with the kids and asked, "Who's ready to go to school?"

Clare quickly grabbed Bullfrog's hand and pretty much dragged him into the school. Cece bent down to Elijah as she laughed and watched as her husband was stolen by a five year old. She began to adjust Elijah's gray vest and tugged down the black long-sleeve band shirt he wore underneath it. She saw Elijah watching as Clare walked into the school and Cece smiled.

"You're not excited to go to school," Cece pointed out with a smirk.

"No," Elijah shook his head. "What if the other kids don't like me?"

"They'll love you baby boy," Cece assured him. "You'll make a lot of friends. And hey, you have Clare too."

"Yeah, I'll have Clare," Elijah turned his gaze down and said. "Why are her mommy and daddy not here?"

"They had to work sweetie," Cece told him. Yes, that was true, both Randall and Helen had to work but it was only when they were both at work that Helen called Cece and said that she completely forgot that it was Clare's first day and neither Randall or her could leave work so she asked them to drop off Clare for them. Cece was devastated at the fact that Clare's own parents neglected to remember a big milestone of their daughter's lives but she quickly agreed to bring Clare to school. _She_ wasn't going to miss this for the world.

"I think I would cry if you or Dad didn't come with me to school," Elijah admitted. Cece frowned and pulled him in for a hug.

"Every morning, either Daddy or me will drive you and if Clare wants we can pick her up too. Don't be sad, okay? Be happy, I think Clare needs you to be happy," Cece said graciously. "I saw that you made her smile in the car when she was talking about her mommy and daddy and I'm really proud of you for doing that. Always do that for her, okay? When she looks sad, always make her laugh or smile. Always look out for her. You have to treat girls with respect Elijah, and the first girl is Clare."

Elijah nodded and wrapped his arms around Cece's neck. With her arms tightly around her son, she hugged him back and kissed the side of his head. "Now let's go inside before we're late on your first day of school," Cece teased. She took his small hand in hers and they walked in.

Cece saw Clare already sitting at a small table, her feet dangling and moving back and forth because she was too small to touch the ground with her feet. Her hands were firmly clasped together on the table in front of her chest and she was waiting patiently. She needed a picture. So as Elijah walked over to Bullfrog, who had been putting Clare's things away in a cubby that had her name on it, Cece pulled out her camera and took a candid picture of Clare.

Elijah walked over to the table close to Clare's and sat beside her. His feet did touch the ground so his legs were still and he started tapping his fingers on the table, as if to say that he was already bored.

"Bye kids," Cece and Bullfrog waved to Clare and Eli. The five year olds waved back, Clare with a big grin on her face and Elijah with a small smirk. Eli's parents said goodbye to the teacher and the other parents and headed out to their car.

"Cannot believe that Randall would forget about his own daughter's first day of school," Bullfrog muttered angrily as he drove. Cece noticed the quick change in the speed of the car and she grabbed his hand and held it tightly.

"I know, it's unacceptable," Cece began. "But…we can't force them to do anything."

"That girl has been considerably neglected for a while now," Bullfrog said in the same angry tone. "Clare is the sweetest child I have ever seen and ever since they started having problems when Clare was three, I don't know, I just haven't seen Clare as happy as she was."

"She was three, of course she was happy."

"That's not what I meant. Whenever spend time with their family now there's always tension and Clare doesn't seem as energetic as she used to be. Whenever she's alone with us, that's when she's happy. I tried not thinking about it, I figured 'hey, Clare's a girl, the moods start at all ages' but no, it's only around her family. She's five, Cece. She doesn't deserve this."

Cece saddened at the sight of Bullfrog practically tearing up talking about the special little girl in their lives. She knew it was true, the neglect that Clare received, the change in behavior depending on her environment, it was all there. Cece was just too afraid to bring it up seeing as Helen was so defensive about her parenting, remembering the first time she did it when Clare was three. It was truly saddening to see Clare that way.

"Well you saw how Elijah made her happy earlier? He'll do that for her always," Cece smiled. "When Clare is sad, he'll make her smile."

Bullfrog laughed and tightened his grip around Cece's hand. "You know what's funny? When Elijah was three, I told him to always protect Clare. Some kid made Clare cry while we were at the playground and Elijah yelled at him because he made Clare cry. So I told him 'Always protect Clare, she'll always need you to make the bad boys that make her cry go away' and 'Don't ever let or make Clare cry, she's a lady and ladies are treated with respect'. He's learning Cece."

"That he is," Cece smiled. "He'll be a wonderful man. Hopefully the man for Clare…"

"Come on Cece, it's too early to tell. And you might jinx it so…"

"Can't a mother imagine? They'd be perfect together. Plus, imagine Clare being in our family? It would be perfect!"

"Can't deny that. But Cece, they're five."

"I know!"

Meanwhile at school, it was time for arts and crafts and all the kids went to the area with craft paper and safety scissors and glue. There were two large round tables for them and Elijah and Clare immediately went to one table together and began cutting out random shapes.

"Here's a circle!" Clare said proudly as she held a green colored circle which looked more so like an oval.

"That's not a circle," someone piped up. Clare turned her head to see a girl, dark brown long hair and a freckled face, wearing jeans and a large shirt, much like the style of a boy's.

"It _is_ a circle," Clare insisted. "See?"

"No, it's small at the top and bottom and fat in the middle, it's an _oval_."

Clare started to get angry but decided it wasn't worth it to get angry on her first day of school. So she took another piece of construction paper and slowly drew a circle. This time it looked more so as a circle than an oval and she proudly cut it out. Once the circle was cut she smile and turned to the girl but saw that she was no longer there.

Turning her head to find her, she felt her stomach drop when she found her. The girl was with Elijah at a different table, the glitter table. Seeing Elijah with another person made Clare sad and felt a different emotion. She didn't know what she felt but she knew she didn't like to see her best friend with some other person, especially the one who was arguing with her earlier. Clare sat down in her seat and started drawing random lines on the circle she cut out and from the corner of her eye she watched them. Elijah was smiling as was the other girl. They shared a glue bottle and the silver glitter, alternating between the two of them who would use which. Clare didn't like this interaction at all.

Once the hour was finished, the teacher told them to sit down on the circular rug for story time. Clare sat down eagerly, patting the place next to her for Eli to take, which he did, but the girl he was talking to sat down on his opposite side and they continued to talk. Clare heard the topic they were talking about, a new Gameboy game that recently came out. Rolling her eyes, Clare put her chin in her hand and huffed, waiting for the story to begin.

When lunchtime came around, Clare was no longer in the happy, spirited, first-day mood. She got her lunch from her bag, which was thankfully prepared the night before, and followed all of the other kids outside. She sat at one of the small picnic tables and opened her lunch box. She was about to eat when she saw Elijah sit next to her and the girl sit at the bench in front of her.

"I'm so hungry!" Elijah exclaimed as he opened his Spiderman lunch box. "Yay, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich!"

"That's my favorite!" the girl said happily. "I have one too!"

Eli high-fived the girl and asked Clare, "What do you have?"

"A banana and peanut butter sandwich," Clare answered, a little ashamed that she didn't have a matching lunch.

"That's good too!" the girl told her with a smile.

"Do you know each other's names yet?" Eli, with a slightly full mouth, asked the two girls. "Clare, this is Gracie. Gracie, that's Clare, my best friend."

"Hi," Clare said shyly. She took a good look at Gracie. Her eyes were a blue, almost like her own, and she had much nicer hair, longer and not annoyingly wavy. "Why do you wear boy clothes?"

Eli scolded her quickly. "Clare, that's not nice."

"Sorry." Clare held her head down in shame.

"It's okay," Gracie said. "I don't like girly clothes. I don't like dresses. I just…I don't like wearing them."

Clare nodded understanding. She went through time when she didn't want to wear dresses either. "I like your shirt," she said. "I like Power Rangers. Elijah's favorite is the pink one."

"Is not!" Elijah said loudly. "I like the red one!"

"Noooo, you said the pink one was pretty!"

"That's not mean that the pink is my favorite! The red is cool and the leader and I like him the best."

"Suuuuure," both Clare and Gracie said at the same time. They both immediately began laughing at their synchronized reaction. Clare felt happy again. That curious feeling in her stomach earlier was gone and she now found Gracie to be a potential good friend rather than someone she'd have to fight for Elijah's attention.

By the end of the school day, Clare, Gracie, and Elijah were the best of friends. Clare and Gracie bonded over teasing Elijah plus Gracie and Eli found a joint love for video games. Gracie was picked up by her dad first, introducing her dad Omar to Clare and Elijah and they left before Bullfrog or Cece could come to meet Gracie and her dad. But both of them actually arrived at the same time, wanting to both be there to pick Clare and Elijah up from school.

"How was it?" Cece asked from the front of the car. Elijah and Clare immediately began speaking at the same time, causing Cece to plug her ears.

"One at a time. Who wants to go first?"

"Clare can go first if she wants," Elijah offered. Both Cece and Bullfrog awed at that moment. Their son was a gentleman at the age of 5.

"Thank you," Clare replied. She started telling the story of their day, not leaving out any details. She talked about arts and crafts and story time and reviewing pictures and the alphabet and numbers and lunch and the entire story of their day came out between the time they left the school to when they arrived at the Goldsworthy residence. "It was a great day. I can't wait to go back tomorrow," she concluded.

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><p><strong>Cute, eh? If the whole Gracie thing was a little…weird to you, then I'm sorry. I was trying to build their friendship and have them meet at a young age and I figured Adam was still Gracie at that point but had the Adam mindset already so…yeah. Sorry if that offended you in any way, I'd hate to make readers not like it.<strong>

**But yeah, this was a more indepth look in the relationships between Clare with her parents, Clare with Eli's parents, Clare and Eli, and Clare, Eli, and Adam. It was also a nice break from that drama, right?**

**One of you guessed it correctly, about why 18 was so significant. Only 1 person though! Nice job. :) Won't specify though, don't wanna ruin anything for anyone!**

**Story should be ending pretty soon. Prepare yourselves.**

**Thanks for reading! Please review! **


	9. Age Eighteen Part 2

**Age 18 – Part 2**

The final play of the year, and Eli and Clare's final play they would be working on together, was well on its way to opening night. This time it was an Eli Goldsworthy and Clare Edwards original. They submitted it in their English class and the drama department decided to use it for their play.

It was about a dark romance between an addicting suspicious murderer and an interning lawyer who follows her boss to aid his case in prosecuting him. And even behind bars, the guy is able to entice the girl and their romance becomes hidden and wrong and yet, so right.

They put their heart and soul into writing the play and now they put their heart and soul into putting the play on for a show. Eli was playing the leading man, perfectly named Hunter, and Clare was co-director and was props mistress. Eli asked if she would be his leading lady so they would have the opportunity to act together and bring their work to life together but she denied the offer, saying she was not a good actress at all.

The leading lady became the newest Degrassi student, Imogen Moreno. She was in the same grade as Eli and Clare and quickly became the school's newest "weird" girl. She called attention to herself most of the time with the eccentric way she accessorized her outfit and the fact that she wore cat ears every day. Her walk, her stance, her talk, it was all strange. But that's what made everyone notice her. Imogen seemed to bask in the attention.

As Clare worked on props backstage alone, since it was still early and the practice didn't start until later on, she relished in the quiet. Her life at home wasn't improving whatsoever. She ignored her parents and only caught glimpses of them if one of them happened to be home when she was getting home from or leaving for school. She didn't eat dinner with them, which meant she didn't eat dinner at all most nights, and she didn't acknowledge them at all. They didn't try to talk to her either. It was as if she didn't exist to them anymore but Clare would rather than have than talk to them.

They had forbid her to see Eli but it wasn't like she was going to listen. She spent more time at school deliberately, immersing herself in her school work and the play so she didn't have to be at home so much. Plus many nights of the week she would leave her house and spend the night at Eli's place.

When practice began, the cast and the crew were all checked for attendance and Eli began practice with Hunter and Olivia, the main girl, and the first scene when they would be alone together after Hunter escapes from prison. Clare takes her place in front of the stage and keeps a notepad on her lap to take notes of the scene for tweaks or lighting changes or props changes. Eli steps out from backstage in his dark outfit and his hair is pulled back into a ponytail. Clare thought it was actually pretty attractive but Eli just hated it. It had to be done though. Without it, it just looked like Eli.

Eli looked over at Clare and winks at her as he adjusts his jacket. She blew him a kiss that he pretended to catch and place on his cheek. Then Imogen steped out in her costume, one that looked like it could be from Clare's closet, and Clare watched at Eli's eyes looked at Imogen up and down, checking her out. Clare had a jealous feeling in her stomach as Eli just looked at Imogen. She never had this feeling before. When they acted together previously, Eli never had that look in his eyes but now that Imogen had her outfit on, Eli was just gawking at her.

"Can we start now?" Clare said bitterly and loudly so everyone could here. Imogen nodded and Eli continued to look at her. "Eli," Clare almost barks. He finally turned his head. "Are you done?"

They begin the scene and Clare glanced from her notes to the script to Eli and Imogen to make sure they were doing the lines correctly. Olivia is supposed to act intimidated and terrified as Hunter is suppose to be suave and just exude a confidence about him while also giving off a scary vibe. It was also a scene where Hunter and Olivia kiss, a passionate one as well. Clare was just bracing herself for it.

She's seen them kiss for the scene before but with Eli checking Imogen out just before, Clare was not looking forward to it. Her stomach was just rolling around and she was fearing the moment. She wasn't a jealous person…usually….since Eli never gave her a reason to be. But then Clare remembered when her jealous side came out when she and Eli met Adam as Gracie when they were all five. She would never admit it out loud but she wanted to strangle anyone who took Eli's attention away from her. Now that Imogen was causing Eli to stare, Clare just wanted to kill her (but not really).

"Why did you…though?" Imogen/Olivia asked softly as Eli/Hunter walked around her slowly and then stopped behind her.

"For you," Eli/Hunter breathed down her neck. Clare watched as he reached up to take her hair out of the way and he pressed his lips down to her neck as the script said. Then Eli titled Imogen's head to him and they kissed.

Clare moved around in her seat awkwardly as the kiss seemed to go on and on. Now they were pressed up against each other as Eli had his arm around Imogen's waist and a hand was firmly on the back of her head. Imogen kept her hands to herself but her mouth was definitely enthusiastic. Just when Clare thought that they wouldn't come up for air and she was just about ready to slam down something to the ground, Imogen/Olivia pushes him away from her and the scene continues.

Finally when the scene is over, Eli announces a break and goes to talk to Imogen. Clare just glares at him and her and as Eli speaks to her with a smile on his face, Clare angrily threw aside her script and walked out of the theater, not caring if the door slammed behind her. She walked out of the school and stands on the steps. She forces herself to take deep breaths to control herself and her jealousy and her anger.

Never had she been this angry and jealous before. When Eli was kissing Imogen and held her like he only did to Clare, Clare just wanted to kill her and him. Eli was _hers_. No one else's. Clare knew it was for their characters but she didn't want it to be so passionate. She didn't want it to look so real because it looked to real to her as she watched them. The looks Eli was giving Imogen looked real too. The looks reserved only for Clare were being given to Imogen and…Clare wanted to rip her hair out.

After five minutes of breathing in the cool air, Clare walked back into the theater where people were still on break. And Eli was still talking to Imogen. They were sitting down on the edge of the stage now, Eli talking animatedly with his hands as Imogen sat crosslegged beside him. He didn't even notice that Clare came back, or maybe didn't even notice that she left.

Clare picked up her script and went backstage. People were working on props and costumes and she was glad to see that they were working so diligently. She spotted Adam painting one of the backdrops and she walked up to him and stands against the wall.

"Thought you'd be spending the break making out with Eli," Adam laughs. He's not joking though, Clare and Eli usually did just that.

"He's too busy talking to Imogen," Clare replied and tried to mask her repulsed tone but Adam caught it quickly.

"They're the leading actors, they have to build chemistry between them," Adam said and turns his head back to the backdrop.

Clare just rolled her eyes. "I don't think they're lacking any chemistry by the look of their kissing scene."

"Don't be jealous," Adam teased.

"I'm not," Clare growled. Adam raised his eyebrows and Clare groaned with her hands over her face. "Do you blame me? Imogen is gorgeous and Eli was checking her out and then they were all over each other while they kissed. Now they're flirting right in front of me and Eli didn't even notice that I stormed out!"

"Come on Clare…" Adam sighs.

"No," Clare throws a finger at Adam's face. "Don't you remember when we were in Grade 10 and Eli accused me of cheating on him just because Wesley and I happened to be in the same place when he came along? I didn't have to be kissing him for Eli to freak out on me. I get to freak out on him sometime, okay? But you didn't see it, Adam. He was…admiring her. Looking at her like a goddess."

Adam takes Clare's arm and they walk to a secluded portion backstage. "Clare," Adam starts. "Listen to me. Eli loves you and he would do anything for you and do you really think he'd throw away your eighteen year relationship just for one girl? You have _nothing_ to worry about."

After play practice, Clare stayed back in the theater again. She was inspecting all of the props to make sure all of the things she listed were on their way to being finished. As she worked in the silence, she froze when she heard the doors open and people laughing. Clare listened carefully to figure out who it was but there were no words. All she heard was kissing noises.

Softly and silently, Clare made her way over to the side of the stage and look out. She moved the curtain over a little bit.

Imogen. Eli. Making out against the stage.

Eli was pressing her against the stage with Imogen's upper body slightly curved back and Eli holding her body steady. While Eli's hands were just above where Imogen's khaki skirt began, Imogen was running her hands through Eli's dark hair. The sound of their lips smacking against each others were the only ones in the theater, that until Eli lifted Imogen up to sit on the stage and he placed himself between his legs. This action made a moan come out of Imogen's mouth and that was Clare's breaking point.

Instead of making her presence known, Clare decided to leave the theater through the back way but she slammed the door in the process, hoping that would've scared the shit out of the cheating asshole and his leading lady.

Clare went home and locked herself in her room. She decided to do her homework which was piling up. So for hours and hours she focused on her homework. She had angry rock music blasting through her earphones and it was as if nothing else was around her.

She didn't think about Eli. She didn't think about Imogen. She didn't think about the fact that her boyfriend was cheating on her. She didn't think about it yet. She'd do it later.

Once she was content with the quality of the work she did for all of her subjects, she set aside all of her things and finally turned off her music. She hadn't realized that it was around 9 o'clock now and one of her parents was probably home. Yeah, like she was going to check. Clare looked at her phone and saw that Eli had sent her a few texts asking where she was, what she was doing, why she wasn't answering, and then saying that he'd be going to her house tonight so leave the balcony door unlocked.

She went over and locked the door and also dragged her curtains over the windows and doors so he wouldn't able to see in.

How dare he want to come over after spending an afternoon cheating on her. How dare he think that she wouldn't know.

Clare laid down on her bed and desired to sleep. The tears hadn't hit her yet, the immense sadness hadn't hit her yet. She was still in the frozen stage. It still hadn't sunk it.

She didn't realize that she had fallen asleep until she felt someone touching her stomach. Opening her eyes, she saw that Eli had lifted up her shirt to expose her stomach and was kissing her neck softly.

Angrily and harshly, she pushed him away and he landed on the floor as Clare stood on the other side of the room with her hands folded over her stomach. This exactly moment happened just several months ago, the day Eli visited her two weeks after Halloween. After Clare had the night she wishes she could forget.

"Don't touch me," she told him, uttering the same words she did that same night.

"What?" Eli asks confused.

"I can't believe you," Clare said as she shakes her head. "I can't believe you'd do this to me."

"What did I do?" Eli continued his clueless act and Clare scoffs. She saw a paperback book on a stool beside her and she chucked it at him. It hits him in the stomach and he looks at her with a shocked face. "Did you just throw 'Romeo and Juliet' at me?"

"Oh, how ironic," Clare sarcastically replied. "Don't pretend that you don't know what you did asshole."

"What did I do?" Eli repeats.

"DO I HAVE TO SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU?" Clare shouted as loudly as she could and Eli actually backed up to a wall as if her voice pushed him.

Then, all of the sudden, the wave of feelings hits Clare like a train. Her tears begins as she tries to speak. "You," she cried. "You cheated on me. You're cheating on me. I can't believe you."

Clare saw that Eli's face went from the fake confused to the immediate guilty and caught. "Clare," he said but Clare just cuts him off angrily.

"A new, more appealing girl shows up and you do this to me?" she asked with her cracking voice.

Eli ran a hand though his hair and all Clare could think about was Imogen doing the same thing. "Who-who told you? Adam?"

Clare's jaw drops. Adam. Adam knew. He lied to her. "Adam…I can't believe…" she stared to say but her heart rate picks up and she can't control her breathing. Suddenly she falls on the ground, clutching at her chest.

Eli tried to help her but Clare hits his hands away and growled," Get away from me."

Eli did back away but not very far. It took Clare a while to finally get up from the ground but when she did, she turned to him.

"I don't want to see you ever again," she said to him. "Get away from me and get out of my life."

"Clare," Eli said and starts to reach out for her again. "Please, I didn't mean to hurt you. She means nothing to me, I swear."

"Oh so making out with her in the theater is just really nothing?" Clare asks sardonically. "I saw everything. I saw the way you looked at her, the way you kissed her in the scene, how you talked to her like she was the only one in the room, and I saw you and her in the theater. Didn't you hear the slamming door?"

Eli's face quickly drops and Clare knows she got him. "Did you like kissing her? I hope it was worth it."

"Please," Eli started to plead and he grabbed her and she tried to fight against his grip. "I love _you_ Clare. I only love you." As Clare kept trying to pull away her arms from Eli, he only tightened his grip and pulled her closer. "Just…let me show you, please."

Eli pressed Clare back to a nearby wall and quickly presses his lips to hers. She protesting and pushing him away but Eli is much stronger. He continues to viciously attack her lips and mistakes her protests with moans and only goes in harder. Clare tries to scream but Eli silences her by diving his tongue into her mouth and presses his body further to hers.

"Stop fighting it," Eli whispered against her jaw as he started to bite at her skin. She continues to fight him but sees that her arms can't move from the tight grip. "I love you," he said into her ear.

Clare allowed herself to believe it.

Suddenly she starts kissing him back and felt him smile against her lips. Eli brings them to her bed and their kissing is more hazardous and passionate and faster than what they were used to. Eli takes Clare's shirt off and lifts his own over his head. Clare sees the bite indents and the redness on Eli's chest and neck and she stops. But Eli continues.

He kissed her upper body generously but Clare's hands were pushing him away. "Stop," she said as she pushed his shoulders away. Eli grips Clare's hands in his and continues to kiss down her stomach.

"Stop!" Clare says loudly and Eli puts his hand over her mouth. Her eyes bulges and she fights harder.

_Her mouth was covered with a cold, rough hand. This caused her screams to be muffled and she tried to bite his fingers but his grip around her mouth only tightened, causing her to struggle to breathe._

"_You're beautiful," he whispered in her ear. "Can't believe someone would let a girl like you walk alone at this time."_

"Remember when we first did it?" Eli whispered, his hand still over her mouth. "I asked you to show me how much you loved me. Now this is me doing it for you."

He moves in between her legs and lifts her hand from her mouth, immediately met with a loud scream. "GET OFF!" She pushes his shoulders and head away and his hand covers her mouth again.

"Clare stop fighting me," he said in a soothing tone. It was not helping at all. Her protests were muffled in his hand and it all seemed to heighten as Eli hand drifted into Clare's skirt.

Clare bit Eli's fingers harshly and as he shrieked in pain, Clare took the opportunity to lift up her knee and hit him in the groin. He fell over to the other side of the bed and Clare ran out of her room, hearing Eli calling after her.

She scrambles down the stairs and she sees both her parents sitting at the dining room table. "Clare!" they both shout in concern but Clare ran out of the house and races down the sidewalk, holding herself as she cried.

Clare found herself showing up at a friend's doorstep. She knew that Eli would not look for her here. She knocked repeatedly, hoping for an answer, and sighs in relief when it does.

"Clare, what are you doing here?"

"Can I stay here?" Clare asks nervously.

Connor nodded and allowed Clare into his house. "I'm…going to tell Simpson, okay?" Connor asked hesitantly and Clare nodded as she sat down on the couch. A few minutes later, Clare saw Simpson and Connor coming down the stairs and Simpson immediately knelt down in front of her.

"Are you hurt?" Simpson asks quickly. Clare shakes her head even though she was hurting everywhere inside. "Do you need anything? You can stay in the basement, Connor said he'll take the couch."

"No," Clare said quickly. "I'll take the couch, I don't want to—"

"Clare, it's okay," Connor assured her.

"I'll go get some of Christine's clothes," Simpson said and he leaves Connor and Clare in the living room.

Clare hugs her knees to herself as she replayed the day in her mind. Her jealousy over Imogen and Eli at the scene. Adam assuring her than nothing was going on. Seeing Imogen and Eli after hours together. Eli being aggressive with her, admitting that Adam knew something, Eli acting like that man…

She starts to cry again and then realizes that Connor was still staying with her. "I'm sorry," she said as she wiped her eyes.

"Why are you apologizing?"

Clare shakes her head. "I don't know. I don't even know anymore."

Simpson brings her some clothes and in a few minutes, Connor brings Clare down to the basement and turns the lights off once she's in bed.

"Wait."

Connor turns the lights back on and Clare sits up. "Do you have paper and a pencil?" He nods and hands her one of his school notebooks and a pencil from his backpack.

"Thank you so much," Clare said and Connor finally went upstairs. Clare went to an empty page in the notebook and starts to write.

_Dear Eli,_

_I can't do it anymore…_

* * *

><p><strong>Don't kill me.<strong>

**Clearing things up in this chapter so if you're a little confused, you should read this:**

**1. Eli began acting abusive and aggressive and Clare is reminded of her rapist, thus leading her to fight back and running away.**

**2. Adam did know. When Eli asked "Who told you? Adam?" that really meant that Adam knew, making the whole situation worse.**

**3. Clare goes to Connor's house because she's fully aware that Eli wouldn't look for her in the principal's house. It's a safe place. Plus I may not have mentioned any of Clare's other friends at Degrassi but Connor is definitely one of them. She knew that any other friend would bombard her with questions and Connor's not the most inquisitive when someone is hurting so it was the best place.**

**4. It may seem that Clare is so quick to react but if you pay attention to her actions in the other chapters AND Eli's actions, maybe it'll seem more realistic why Clare is starting to write this letter. And don't forget her parents...emotional damage roller coaster.**

**5. Eli cheating maybe be out of character, but remember…what did Imogen look like in their scene?**

**6. The NEXT chapter is the FINAL chapter. There might be an epilogue. Maybe.**

**Please review. Thanks for reading.**


	10. Age Eighteen Part 3

**Final chapter. Epilogue will be made if there is a demand.**

**This didn't turn out how I planned so I don't know how I feel about it.**

**P.S. Thank you for all of the amazing reviews of the last chapter. So overwhelmed with the amount of them and the kindness. Thank you so much.**

* * *

><p><strong>Age 18 – Part 3<strong>

Clare was thankful that it was the weekend. She woke up in the Simpson household on that Saturday morning, cried out and her body aching. She smelled a lovely smell from upstairs and heard some utensils clanking and realized it was around 10 o'clock then. She changed into the set of clothes laid out on Connor's desk chair and went upstairs, tying her hair up on the way.

"Good morning," Connor's godmother, Aunt Christine, greeted happily. "Breakfast?"

Clare nodded and sat down in the empty seat between Connor and Mr. Simpson. She noticed that the two men exchanged looks but said nothing. She ate the food that was on her plate and was happy to be eating a homemade breakfast. It was a while since her mother did that for her.

As she ate, Clare realized that through her horrible night, she didn't even think about her parents. The parents that were uninvolved in her life. The parents who missed her first day of school. The parents who never made her feel special.

Connor's godparents were so welcoming to her, welcoming her with open and loving arms, and Clare found herself wanting to cry. She sniffled and tried to hide it but from the corner of her eye, she saw Connor looking at her in concern.

"Jack, why don't we watch a movie upstairs?" Clare heard Connor's aunt suggest to her son. They left the room, leaving Connor, Principal Simpson, and Clare at the table.

"I'm sorry," Clare whispered and choked up a bit through her tears. "I'm ruining your breakfast."

She felt someone grab her hand and she broke down. The first feeling of comfort she had in a long time. She latched onto Simpson's hand and found herself burying her head into Simpson's torso when she felt him stand up. She held onto him for dear life, finally knowing that she felt safe and comforted and loved.

It was weird to think that people she hadn't had a lot of interaction with would be the best support system she could have right now. But the fact that they knew nothing that has happened to her and yet allowed her to come into their home and provide a shelter, Clare was grateful.

She knew that she couldn't have stayed at home. And she had contemplated going to Cece and Bullfrog. But facing them would be difficult. They were Eli's parents. They were the parents of the boy who shattered her heart.

That afternoon, Clare was sitting on the couch with her knees pulled up to her chest. Connor was sitting only feet away from her as he read his book. Simpson was out doing something for Clare, Christine took Jack out for the day, and Connor stayed with her.

"Can I ask you one question?" Connor asked quietly. Clare nodded her head. "This isn't just about Eli, is it?"

Clare shook her head no. "It's not."

"He didn't…_hurt_ you, did he?" Connor said this with a certain tone in his voice and Clare knew exactly to what he was referring to.

"Not that way," Clare breathed and Connor just nodded his head, turning back to his book.

"When my parents get here," Clare started to say and watched as Connor raised his head again. "Will you…just…hold my hand?"

Connor gave her a small smile, solidifying a yes. Minutes later, Clare heard the front door opening and Simpson walked in, followed by both of her parents. Clare was so used to seeing them annoyed and angry at her but they both had looks of concern on their faces. Simpson nodded to her and Clare sat up.

"Mom, Dad, can you sit?" she asked them softly and they obliged, sitting on the opposite couch in the room. Simpson was leaning against a wall and Connor moved closer to Clare, extending his hand.

She took it and gripped it tight, knowing Connor would not mind. "I know that I must've worried you last night and I'm sorry."

Helen shook her head. "No, Clare. Don't be sorry. We found Elijah in your room when you left and he admitted to have…making you upset."

_Upset is the biggest understatement of the century_. "There's more to it than what you think," Clare continued and she felt her tears coming back again. "And you never saw what I went through the past few months, let alone the past few years, there's so much more than you think."

With her tears and her voice, Clare was barely making the right words come out of her mouth and she saw her parents already tearing at her actions. Clare was a mess, she had been for many years of her life, and now her parents were seeing it. She wanted them to cry. She wanted them to know how much she went through.

"I remember my first day of school…ever," Clare began again after clearing her throat. She willed herself not to cry and with a good grip on Connor's hand, she was finding her strength. "That was the first time I felt betrayed…by you."

She heard her parents gasp slightly and Clare continued. "You didn't even care that I was starting school for the first time and I told myself, 'They won't forget the next day. It's okay.' But it wasn't. Little did I know that that was going to be the first of a long line of disappointment."

Clare went on to talk about how she felt when Darcy was favorited over her every single time in her life, how she felt when her mother would pull her away from her best friend in the world, the time she was called a slut by her mother, and how many times she contemplated running away. "I couldn't though," she admitted. "Because through it all, except for recently, Dad was on my side and I stayed for Dad. And for Eli and Cece and Bullfrog. But mostly…for Dad."

She looked at Randall and for the first time in her life, she saw he was crying. "And then you both just destroyed me when you forgot my eighteenth birthday and what I got from you was trying to make me lose the one person that I thought loved me in this world. And I hope you know how many nights I cried knowing my parents didn't love me."

Clare wiped her eyes and looked down in her lap. She felt Connor move his hand in support and when she looked at him, she was surprised to find him crying as well.

With a deep breath, Clare prepared herself to tell the truth to her parents, once and for all, the catastrophic moment in her life which caused her to contemplate so many options, even the worse.

"On Halloween night...just a few months ago, I was—I was raped."

Helen broke down at that very moment, muttering "No, no" in her cries, and she buried her face in her hands. Randall on the other hand had his eyes clothes and pressed his lips together. He was red in the face and Clare knew that he was stopping himself from bursting in anger or tears, she wasn't sure which.

"I had a fight with Eli and I was walking home…it happened in an alleyway. I didn't know who he was but…it happened and…I didn't tell anyone."

"Clare, honey, you could've told me," Helen cried to her daughter.

A blank stare took over Clare's face as she angrily said to her mother, "And you would've listened? When did you ever take me seriously?"

Clare was aware that she just gave a lowblow to her mother but with so many emotional blows Helen had given Clare in her eighteen years, Clare had a sick sense of relief as she did so.

"Clare, you should've reported it to the police," Simpson said, trying not to intrude. But Clare was glad that Simpson cut in through the tension.

"I know," Clare sighed. "I was just afraid. I couldn't even leave my bed that next week, I was…too afraid."

She saw Simpson and her father nodding their heads. When Randall met her eyes, Clare knew that he felt sympathy and regret. That was what she wanted.

"When I was getting angry at you missing so much school, that was the truth," Helen remembered. "You were…you were hurting…"

"To be truthful, I was hurting way before," Clare said and there it was again. The lowblow to her mother. Her mother wasn't even looking her in the eyes and Clare saw this as finally seeing Helen in her moment of weakness. Clare had been the weak one for eighteen years. Now she felt power over her mother.

"So what happened with Eli?" Randall asked.

"He cheated on me," Clare said bluntly. "And then he tried to…he was being aggressive when he was trying to apologize." Clare couldn't admit that Eli was trying to rape her. She didn't think he was intentionally trying to but she knew it wasn't okay. His actions weren't okay.

"I'm going to kill him," Randall was seething with his fists clenched. For the first time in a long time, Clare felt protected by her father. She actually smiled a little bit at his reaction.

"No," Clare ended up saying. "You're not."

"Who…was it?" Connor asked.

"Imogen," she answered. "The one with—"

"The cat ears," Connor finished. "She kept interrupting me once in English class, saying that I was wrong for my opinion. I knew that she was a bad person."

Clare laughed slightly. "You know…I wouldn't be opposed to you telling people about this at school. People should know what she did, what they both did."

"But what about you?" Connor asked in surprise.

"I'm not going back to Degrassi."

Both Randall and Helen were ready to talk her out of it but Clare gave them a pleading look. "I can't go back there," she told them. "I can't go there and face it. I already asked Mr. Simpson if I could do a homeschool program for the last three months of school and he said yes."

"Won't be a problem," Simpson verified to the Edwards parents. "Clare only needs to finish one class anyways to have the sufficient credits. She could be done with high school in a month."

"Please, let me do it," Clare begged.

"Of course," Randall replied. "You can do it if you want to Clare."

Clare breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you."

"But Clare, you'll miss prom and graduation," Helen said. "I'm not saying no, I just want you to think about it before you make your final decision."

"I've thought about it and it's the right one for me," Clare told her. "I don't think things as trivial as graduation or prom mean much to me anymore. And there's one more thing. I'm moving out when I'm finished with school."

While Helen was surprised, Randall was still. Clare saw the understanding in his face and was thankful that he wasn't completely surprised by the idea like her mother was.

"I'm still going to college," Clare said. "I actually got into Yale so I'll be attending school in the States but I'm going there as soon as possible. Once I get an apartment, I'm gone."

"Honey, you got into Yale?" Helen actually smiled.

Clare nodded, still in disbelief. "I got the letter a few days ago, actually. I didn't want to say anything but I knew I would've had to soon."

"That's amazing Clare," Helen praised. "That's…wow, that's a wonderful accomplishment.

And then, for the first time in her life, Clare felt like she made her mother proud. She hugged her tightly, both falling into another crying fit, and the first true hug they've shared since Clare's childhood was like coming back home.

"I am so sorry Clare," Helen said to her. "I am so so sorry."

"I know," Clare breathed. "I know you are."

When they got out of their hug, Clare said, "Is there any way I can stay at the condo just until I'm finished with school?"

Thankfully both of them nodded their heads and finally, Clare felt like she was at a good place with her parents. The secrets were revealed and her parents knew her pains and troubles. She hugged both of them at the same time and half of her came back.

* * *

><p>Clare received a text from Connor on Monday morning, telling her that he saw Eli in school, giving her the go. She was going to Cece and Bullfrog's place, needing to talk to them.<p>

She went to the house and knocked on the door. She waited for a little while and just as she was going to turn to leave, the door opened and Cece's face turned to delight.

"Clare, where have you been?" Cece asked happily and gestured her inside. Clare walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. Cece came waltzing in with a plate of cookies and it made her smile, did Cece ever do anything else other than bake?

"Aren't you suppose to be in school?" Cece sat down in a chair and looked at Clare in concern.

"I'm…doing homeschooling now," Clare admitted and Cece's face scrunched up. "Is Bullfrog here? I want to talk to you both."

"Yes he is," Cece nodded slowly. "Bullfrog! Clarabelle's here!"

Soon Bullfrog emerged from upstairs and lit up at the sight of Clare. "Clarabelle, to what do we owe this surprise?"

"I need to tell you something," Clare said with a serious face. Both Bullfrog and Cece looked at her in concern and sat down.

"You're not pregnant are you?" Bullfrog blurted out with giant eyes.

"No, I'm not," Clare said quickly and they both sighed in relief. "That's not it at all."

"Thank _God_," Bullfrog groaned. "I don't think I would be able to handle another Eli."

"Especially since both our babies are _eighteen_," Cece added. They fell into a discussion about having a baby around and Clare sat there awkwardly, twiddling her thumbs. A full five minutes later, the banter finally stopped. "Oh Clare, I'm so sorry, we're here just ignoring you. You had something to tell us?"

Clare took a deep breath and while staring at both of them, she finally said, "I'm leaving."

Bullfrog sat back in his seat, his eyes narrowing in. "Leaving as in?"

"I'm moving to the States," Clare clarified. "I got into Yale and—"

"Ivy League? Clare, that's so great!" Cece cut in but when Clare didn't smile at all, she frowned. "That's not all, is it?"

"No, it's not," Clare said. "I'm also…I'm leaving Eli."

"He told us that…he did something to make you mad at him," Cece started. "He never specified but he said—"

"He said he fucked up," Bullfrog continued. "And seeing that you've decided to leave, it was a lot more than that, huh?"

"So much more," Clare replied while shaking her head. "I just wanted to say goodbye to both of you. I don't really think it's my place to say what Eli really did but hopefully he'll tell you someday. And if you can give this to him…"

Clare brought out an envelope from her bag which had Eli's name on it with Clare's neat handwriting. She handed it to Cece who seemed that she didn't want to take it.

"If I take this…it means we're officially losing you Clare." Clare saw Cece fighting back some tears and Clare hated the fact that when she would leave her life behind to start over, she would have to leave behind the two parents who were pretty much her parents for the last eighteen years. She didn't want to say goodbye to them but she knew she had to.

She engulfed Cece in a hug, muttering "I'm sorry" continuously and somehow she managed not to cry. When she turned to Bullfrog, her heart broke all over again to see him trying not to cry. She reached over and hugged him, feeling his hand going up to her hair.

"I'm gonna kill him if what he did requires it, I hope you know that."

Clare laughed a little and wiped her eyes. "Do what you have to."

"Clare, I know that you wouldn't leave without a good reason and I know you, I've known you since you were born. The fact that I'm losing…my daughter, I can't—" Cece choked up on her words and walked out of the room. Clare sighed deeply, her tears now seriously threatening to just fall down her face again.

"Clarabelle, good luck, okay?" Bullfrog kissed her forehead sweetly and gave her another hug. "Can you at least call me or Cece before you leave for real?"

Clare nodded. "I promise I will. So…can you give this to him?"

Bullfrog took the letter hesitantly. "You know…when you guys were three I told him to never make you cry. I guess that didn't work out…did it?"

"I'm glad that…when my parents didn't stick up for me…you did. Thank you for everything Bullfrog," Clare hugged him one more time and headed for the door. She knew that opening the door made a loud enough sound for anyone in the house to hear wherever they were and Clare wanted to see Cece one more time before she left.

Clare looked at Bullfrog longingly and he shrugged, not expecting Cece to come out. Disappointed, Clare stepped out of the house and headed down the path. She was almost at the sidewalk when someone pulled her back and gave her a bone crushing hug.

"Don't ever stop being yourself Clare," Cece cried in her ear. "You are the best person I know and to see you grow up for eighteen years has been one of the most rewarding things I will ever have in my life." She leaned up and took Clare's head in her hands. "And don't you ever, _ever_, let anyone make you feel like you're nothing. Because you are everything Clare."

Cece kissed her forehead and stepped back, waving. Bullfrog came up behind her and blew a kiss to Clare as she started back down the sidewalk. Right as Clare approached a corner, she looked back to Cece and Bullfrog, two of the few who stayed with her through the eighteen years of her life and never judged her, never let her feel inferior.

She loved them with all her heart and this goodbye was going to be the hardest of all. She waved and turned, feeling a weight lift off her shoulders. That was one goodbye down, the one she was dreading the most, and she sent a text to someone, preparing herself for the next goodbye.

* * *

><p>Clare was sitting at the abandoned church at 12 o'clock. She listened to the rustling leaves in the trees surrounding the area, the occasional chirping of birds, and her heartbeat just pounding in her chest. This was another goodbye she didn't want and she would've done it with a letter but she needed to see them in person just once before she left and wanted to ask them a question that she needed to have answered.<p>

Her phone beeped and she checked the message which said, "I'm here." She looked up and stood up on the gray cement when she spotted Adam approaching. It was lunch time and Clare was grateful that Adam actually took the time to see her when all he wanted probably was to stuff his face.

"Hi," Clare said nervously.

Adam stood up on the gray floor and smiled at her a little. "Hey. How are you?"

"I'm leaving Degrassi and I'm going to school in America and I'm never coming back."

_Just rip the bandage off_.

Adam's happy face just dropped into utter sadness. "But…why?"

"Why didn't you tell me that Eli was cheating on me?" Clare asked bluntly.

Adam was about to deny but Clare saw his look of regret. "I didn't want you to get hurt," Adam whispered sadly.

"Oh yeah, mission accomplished," Clare replied with a scoff. "How can you do this to me?"

"I told you, I didn't want you to get hurt," Adam repeated. "I…I walked in on them making out one day in Eli's room and he made me promise that—"

Clare held up her hand and stopped him there. "I don't need to know any more other than…how long was it going on?"

"About…a month…after your birthday."

Clare turned around and with one hand clutching her chest and another in her hair, she finally let out a scream. After letting out a blood curdling scream and causing Adam to cover his ears, she collapsed to the ground and started pounding her fists on it. She was sobbing while her heart ached and her fists were numb as she made them bleed.

Adam approached her and took her wrists from behind her, trying to stop her from hurting herself further. But Clare shoved his hands away and cried in her hands. She thought she'd be cried out after the days of constant tears but no.

The information Adam gave to her was the one that just made her fall apart. She had a little bit of hesitation about her rash decision to homeschool to finish her final class and move to New Haven once she was finished but Adam telling her that Eli had been cheating on her for at least three months now, she knew she was making the right decision.

"Clare, I'm so sorry."

Clare finally stood up and dusted herself off. She looked at Adam with the angriest face she can muster. "Have a good life Adam," she sneered, pushing past him, as she walked away from her best friend.

"Clare please!"

"You let me go on for months thinking that Eli was being faithful to me and you didn't have the balls to tell me the truth! I knew you were only Eli's friend, not mine. You protected him and you let me get hurt. So you don't get to be sorry Adam. I hope you have a good rest of your life."

Clare walked away from the abandoned church, not having the sense of fulfillment that she wanted to have when she said goodbye to Adam. But he had lied to her and something like that she could never forgive. She couldn't trust him again.

She made it to her house and continued to pack her things. She was already packing things into boxes for her big move which she planned on doing by the middle of the next month. The fact that her final class was just two months of history since she'd been taking advanced classes that made her get her credits faster, she knew that she'd definitely be finished by her move just as long as her work came in from the school quickly.

While packing her things, she came across a lot of photo albums a lot of which were just of her and Eli. Not even opening any of them she stashed them in the back of her closet. Her parents had promised to keep her room as she left it so she knew that if she ever wanted them, they'd be there.

"Honey, we found you a good apartment in New Haven."

Clare turned around and saw her mom holding a laptop in her arms. No words ever sounded so sweet.

* * *

><p>The play was cancelled. Just two weeks shy from opening night, the entire drama club and everyone involved in the play all unanimously decided to cancel the production. All for Clare Edwards, who not only quit the play but also stopped attending Degrassi. It was announced by Principal Simpson one afternoon during practice that Clare wouldn't be returning.<p>

"Everyone, I have an announcement."

Tension filled the air as the school principal came into the practice with a serious face. He never came into their rehearsals and wasn't one to step on any student run clubs or productions but here he was, ushering all of the students to take seats in the theater as he took a place on the stage.

After clearing his voice, he took a deep breath and began. "I am well aware at the time and effort this play has taken all of you. A source tells me that it could be the best production from the Degrassi theater. But I am sorry to say that you will be losing your co-director and props master, Clare Edwards."

Anger and chatter erupted from the cast and crew and Simpson gestured for them to keep quiet. "She has asked me to say this in particular." He brought out a note and read, "'To everyone, I am sorry for leaving you all but I can no longer be a part of this production. Good luck to all of you and I'm sure it will be great without me. I also want to wish my fellow seniors good luck to the rest of their year and enjoy prom and graduation. Be conscious of your actions and use your mind, not your heart. From Clare."

As Simpson finished the note, everyone was sitting quiet. Finally, one person asked, "So Clare's not just quitting the play, she's not coming back?"

Regretfully, Simpson shook his head. "No, she's not."

"But why?" another person asked.

"She only requested for me to read this to all of you," Simpson answered. "That's it. Thank you." He walked out of the theater and left all of the cast and crew just confused and angry and could not fathom what just happened.

"I can't believe Clare would just ditch us like that, it's her play!" someone told another when everyone started going back to work.

"Maybe something really bad happened," the person reasoned. "Clare's not someone who just gives up for no reason." This girl was named Hannah Belmont and was good friends with Clare. She worked backstage after Clare convinced her that drama club was fun. Hannah liked being part of the club but now that Clare was gone, she didn't know what to do anymore.

Just then, she saw Wesley, her friend that was a boy but hopefully her boyfriend soon. He was walking into the theater and smiled when he found her. "I thought I'd wait for rehearsal to be over," Wesley said to her. "Science Olympics just finished. Why hasn't rehearsal started?"

Everyone was just talking amongst themselves and were not even thinking of continuing rehearsal yet.

"Clare quit the play and she's gone from Degrassi," Hannah told Wesley in disappointment. "She was our director and she was the mastermind for props and backstage so—"

"I know," Wesley replied. "Connor told me. I can't believe what Eli did to her."

Hannah's face contorted into confusion. She pulled Wesley aside and before she spoke to him, she glanced at Eli who was still sitting in his seat from before. "What are you talking about?" she whispered to Wes.

"Uhh…Connor told me that Eli cheated on Clare with Imogen," Wesley said. "Clare was so upset that she left her house and stayed at Connor's for a few days and he says he doesn't know the whole story but that wasn't the only reason Clare left Degrassi. She seemed…emotionally destroyed. Those were the words that Connor used."

Through this discussion, someone was overhearing the entire thing. Fiona Coyne. Fiona stormed in Eli's direction and slapped him in the face, the sound echoing through the entire theater and everyone turned to pay attention to them.

"I cannot believe you," Fiona growled. "How can you do this to Clare?"

Eli stood up and rubbed his cheek. "Fiona—"

"Don't even think of telling me excuses! How can you hurt Clare like that? Huh?" Fiona was shoving Eli's shoulder angrily with every sentence.

Soon everyone was crowding around them and Fiona saw Imogen, looking guilty in the crowd. "And you," Fiona threw her finger in Imogen's face and was seething with anger that it intimidated everyone. "You slut!"

Everyone gasped as Fiona stood down Imogen who was practically shaking. Fiona walked away and stood at the middle of the stage and as everyone looked at her, she announced, "I quit!"

"Fiona!" someone said surprised.

"I am not going to work with someone who cheats on their long term girlfriend with some attention whore!" Fiona yelled. Everyone was shocked and Fiona put a hand on her hip. "Yeah, Eli has been cheating on Clare with Imogen and I knew that Imogen would throw herself at Eli the moment she auditioned. And I thought, no, Eli wouldn't do that to Clare. He loves her. But no, here we are, all upset that Clare left us when the truth is that Eli drove her out of here with his infidelity so I hope you're happy Eli. Good luck putting on this production without me and without Clare."

Fiona soon stormed out and an awkward silence filled the room.

"I'm out too," Hannah said and she grabbed Wesley's hand and left.

Then, everyone dropped whatever they were holding and headed out of the theater. Some guys shoved past Eli who was standing stoically. One guy he didn't know very well said in his ear, "Fuck you Goldsworthy. I can't believe you would hurt Clare like that."

Eli and Imogen were the ones left in the theater and while Imogen was looking regretfully at Eli, he was just looking at the ground.

"Did you know…that she left?" Imogen asked hesitantly.

Eli finally looked up and in tears, he nodded. "She…uh…she had my parents give me a letter from her."

Imogen nodded and stepped closer to him, but he put his arm up to keep her away. "We can finally be together Eli."

Eli looks at her with a frozen face. "I hope you don't think that I actually had feelings for you."

"You could've fooled me when you were groaning and moaning in my bed that many times," Imogen replies with a scoffing tone. "This has been going on for a while, ever since you told me that Clare never let you touch her anymore, and now you're telling me that you never had feelings for me?"

"I didn't," he said angrily. "I don't."

Imogen looked a little bit hurt but she kept her composure. She towards the theater doors and went to leave. Before she did, she turned around and said, "I asked you the first time if you were sure about doing it and you said yes. Clare left you because you made the decision. You approached me. So don't you fucking blame me for anything."

She stormed out, leaving Eli alone. All alone.

Eli went home and ran straight into his room, standing in the middle of it wanting to rip out his hair. He saw a picture of Clare and him when they were thirteen, on their first date after becoming official. He took it out of the frame and clutched in his hand, sinking into a corner of his room.

Eli never cried and here he was, crying his eyes out. He'd been doing a lot of it lately. After receiving the letter from Clare by his parents and he was forced to read it in front of his parents. He didn't read it out loud but Cece and Bullfrog forced him to stay in the living room with them as he read it. He tried not to cry in front of them but he eventually did.

It was now a few days later and Eli just felt like his entire world had just crashed. Clare was gone, Adam was angry at him, Imogen was looking for something more, the drama department walked out on him, and his parents couldn't look him in the eye. He was Public Enemy number 1.

Eli looked at the picture he had in his hand. Clare was smiling so brightly and he was looking at her lovingly, his arms around her. How did he jeopardize all of this? He had pictured the perfect future with Clare and now, it was all gone.

After Clare's eighteenth birthday, Eli noticed how Clare was no longer as affectionate as she had been. Sure they spent a lot of time together because of school and she stayed at his house most nights but when she slept in his bed, she'd pull away from him. They shared kisses here and there but before it got too intense, Clare would pull away. She was pulling away and Eli eventually caved into Imogen who had been flirting with him immensely ever since transferring to Degrassi.

He knew it was wrong but he longed for touch, he longed for kisses, he longed to have a body pressed up against his and as a guy, he caved to the first girl that offered him just that.

He didn't have feelings for Imogen but he lusted for her as Clare pulled away more and more. And as she did pull away, she inadvertently pushed Eli into Imogen. He wasn't justifying his actions by blaming Clare because she was, _is_, the victim. Imogen was just there too willing.

Eli thought Clare would never find out. With her being busy with the play and school and distracted by her home life, Eli thought he could keep his affair a secret. When Adam had found out, Eli forced him not to say a word, using his true body as the blackmail. Adam agreed to it though and Eli felt sick and twisted for doing that to his male best friend but he couldn't risk it. Imogen was his secret, Clare was his life, and they couldn't combine.

Now it all fell apart and it was all Eli's fault. Having read Clare's letter, he wasn't given any information on where she was and what she was doing. All the letter explained was how he had made her feel. Eli wanted to hurt himself for having caused Clare to write the letter and leave Degrassi, or even leave Toronto. He'd never forgive himself.

Eli found the letter which was crumpled very much but still legible. He forced himself to read it again, wanting to feel the pain again. He didn't deserve to feel good. He knew he earned himself constant pain for the rest of his life. Reading Clare's letter every day might just do the trick.

* * *

><p><em>Eli,<em>

_In the beginning, there was only us. We spent every moment together as babies, as toddlers, as students and even after Adam came into our little group, there was only us. You and I. It was always Eli and Clare. You couldn't say one of our names on its own. We were a pair._

_Finally when we were thirteen, we truly became an us. Little did you know that I had been waiting for that moment ever since we were nine and we had that talk about love. I was in love with you then, I was in love with you before, and I was in love with you ever since. I was waiting for you to kiss me, in those moments when you would hold me in your arms, and you would only kiss my forehead. But our first kiss was magical and beautiful and was truly an "us" moment as Cece came by._

_But through those thirteen years so far, you should remember how my mom pretty much ignored me. How I felt no self esteem as she tore me down. How I was jealous that Darcy seemed to inherit all the good looks. I was a teenage girl who hated her body, hated her mom, and the only thing that got me through was you. Truly, there was only us for me._

_The first time we had sex, do you remember that day? You had just screamed at me, made me feel dirty, and made me feel like you never trusted me. You accused me of cheating on you when I was actually sick. Did you know that I couldn't even remember going home that day? Then you came to my house and you asked me to show you how much I loved you._

_I couldn't even think about the fact that I had to show you how much I loved you through sleeping with you._

_I hope you know how dirty I felt having to prove my love to you by sleeping with you._

_I wasn't ready. You pressured me. I knew I would've lost my virginity to you eventually but doing it the day you accused me of cheating was not how I expected._

_Losing my virginity to you just solidified the fact that there was truly only us._

_I started noticing your anger issues around that time and it only grew bigger as time went on. I think the biggest fight we had was last Halloween when you snapped at me for not telling you who I was texting. I walked home that night by myself. I was so alone that night. It was the worse night of my life. And you didn't even make sure I made it home okay. Adam told me you guys went to that party that Alli mentioned to me. While you guys were having the time of your lives, I was at home at my lowest. You never knew what happened to me. You never asked. You'll never know._

_But as my parents continued to tear me down, you were the only person I could turn to for support._

_For eighteen years, you were the one person who made me feel loved and special. Was I just really that miniscule for you to just throw away for Imogen? I get it. She's beautiful and talented but…I thought you loved me, I thought you did._

_Maybe you really did. I'll never know._

_You'll never see me again Eli. I'm sure that by the time you read this, Cece and Bullfrog already knows, you won't see me at school, you won't get any information from anyone who knows, and you won't see me around here._

_I want you to know that my choice to leave wasn't only you. It's so many things that I will never explain to you. One, because you never asked. Two, because you don't deserve to._

_I hope it was worth it. I hope you're hurting as much as I am. I hope you live with the guilt forever._

_But even with that guilt, you will still not go through what I did._

_You made me love you for eighteen years. There was only us for eighteen years._

_Now there's only me._

_And I'll learn to be okay with it._

_I know in my heart that I will always love you and but I will try, everyday, to force myself to stop._

* * *

><p>Clare was an official high school graduate. After finishing her class in a month through homeschool, she had to go to Degrassi to get her diploma from Simpson. Thankfully though she went while class was in session and after getting a good speech from Principal Simpson, wishing her well and good luck in college and also making her promise to call him once in a while, which wouldn't be a problem since Connor received his acceptance letter to Yale a few days after Clare did. She stepped out of the school feeling accomplished, waving goodbye to this stage in her life<p>

She started therapy as well and would continue it in New Haven. Her rape had left her emotionally damaged, her parents' neglect kept her from gaining any self esteem, and losing her first love and the emotional roller coaster that went with it finally forced her to talk to someone.

When she got home she found her parents loading her suitcases into their car. The visual made Clare realize fully that she _was_ leaving. They had bought a good sized apartment for her near the campus and set up a therapist also. She was all set for her move. She was actually ready.

After Clare showed her parents her diploma, they showered her with hugs and kisses, and after eating a farewell meal of Clare's favorites, they exited the house and headed to the car.

When Clare reached for the car door, her head turned. Eli was standing on the Edwards' lawn, sweating and breathing deeply, looking like he had just run from the school.

He looked at her with dead eyes and a pleading face. _Please don't go._

She looked at him with finally lively eyes and a face of no pity. _You made me go._

Clare slid into the car and her dad started driving. She hid her face as the car passed Eli, who continued to watch her. The car went down the street and Clare fought the urge to look back.

As the car continued to drive away, Clare stared out of the window. She pictured Eli's face in her mind, remembering that for eighteen years it was only them.

Now she's leaving.

And he's staying.

Us was no longer an us.


	11. Age Nineteen Epilogue

**I cannot begin to express my love for all of you for reading this from beginning to end. I am so happy that many of you enjoyed it and loved it and the reviews I received were amazing but just the fact that people actually read this story is just…amazing. Thank you, thank you, thank you.**

**(If you want to contact me outside this site, my Tumblr and Twitter are on my page, I'd love to hear from all of you.)**

**Thank you for joining me on this wild ride. Oh and if you don't follow me on Tumblr or Twitter or read any of my other stories, enjoy Degrassi Season 11! Now THAT will be a wild ride.**

**Enjoy the epilogue. Thank you for reading.**

**P.S. There is something very important that I don't mention once in this chapter. Can you find it? AND there is a Deathly Hallows pt. 2 moment also. Spot these two are you are certified awesome.**

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><p><strong>Age 19 - Epilogue<strong>

"Cece, we see her but she can't see us. How do you fix this?"

"I don't know, I don't even know how to pronounce this. Is it 'Skip' or 'Skype'?"

Clare giggled as she listened to Bullfrog and Cece over _Skype_. The audio was working but the screen was black except for the small square in the corner where she saw herself.

It's been over a year and Clare looked a little different than when she was 18. She started straightening her hair and wearing more makeup. She changed her wardrobe a little bit to follow the American trends but kept true to herself. At the moment, she was wearing her jean jacket and a floral top.

Clare waited and listened to the bickering between the two adults and suddenly, she saw them on her screen.

"It worked!" she said excitedly.

It seemed that Bullfrog and Cece didn't hear her though as they continued to argue. "Hey, _hey,_" Clare called and finally they turned to the screen.

"Clare-bear! You see us now?" Bullfrog smiled.

"I do," Clare replied happily. "Cece, I love your hair. Did you cut it?"

"I did, thank you!" Cece smacked Bullfrog on the arm. "See, _someone_ noticed!"

"Cee, you could go brunette and I probably won't notice."

"Unlike if I take that jean vest of yours, you'd probably sense that I took it out of the closet."

"Don't you dare touch that vest."

Clare laughed at the banter. It hadn't changed since she left, not even since she was a child. It felt very normal to be seeing them again and they weren't hiding anything. They were just truly being themselves.

"Now that I finally see you," Clare said once they stopped. "Happy Anniversary!"

"Thank you hun," Cece replied shining brightly. "We're sad you can't be here to celebrate with us."

"I know," Clare said sadly. "But I'm just finishing up exams here and you know Ivy League, way too difficult for me to even breathe let alone take a break."

Bullfrog looked closer at the screen. "Clare, we're just glad to be able to see you, even if it is through a computer. How've you been?"

"Really great," Clare answered honestly. "I really love it here. It's so beautiful and the weather is perfect and I've made really great friends…I'm just…really happy."

Cece and Bullfrog both nodded understandingly. "We're glad you're doing so well Clare-bear," Cece said. "Your mom told me that you still see a therapist…"

"I do," Clare admitted. "Right after I moved here…I was such a wreck. I thought I made the worst decision of my life but she listened to me and it helps to have someone that listens."

"We would've listened Clare," Bullfrog told her, his voice turning serious. Even through the computer, Clare felt the mood change. "We just—"

"I know," she assured them. "I know you would have. But we can't…change the past, can we?"

"No, we can't," Cece sighed. "Have you talked to your parents recently? I mean, Helen and I talk sometimes and she keeps me updated of what she knows."

"I call them as often as I can," Clare answered. "I talked to Dad last night. He told me he wanted to bring my face on a stick to your anniversary party so it'd be like I was there."

They both laughed loudly and Clare smiled at the sight. They were just so adorable when they laughed. "That'd be great," Bullfrog said. "But what if use El—"

Cece nudged Bullfrog's arm and Clare saw this, happy that Cece cared about her enough to want to protect her. But it wasn't like she doesn't hear his name. "It's okay to say your son's name Bullfrog," Clare told him. "I won't run away if I hear it."

"We just don't want to hurt you Clare," Bullfrog replied sadly. "You've been through so much."

Clare furrowed her eyebrows. "I didn't tell you—"

"He told us," Cece confessed. "What he did, he told us. We didn't talk to him for a month."

"That's not what I wanted," Clare admitted sadly. She pictured Cece and Bullfrog giving him the cold shoulder for weeks and him desiring for them to speak to him. It was a heartbreaking sight actually.

"He broke your heart Clare and you mean so much to us. It was difficult to come to terms that you left and it was because my son hurt you the way he did. But eventually things got better and he started to regain our trust and he's doing well…if you're wondering."

Clare was happy to hear that from Bullfrog. She _was_ wondering, but she wasn't going to ask them up front. Her parents would always ask her if she wanted an update but she'd say no. They would just say that the last time they heard he was okay.

"Thanks for telling me," Clare said sincerely. "I'm glad to hear it. So what's the plan for today? Did you guys start setting up for the party yet?"

"It's all set up downstairs," Cece answered excitedly. "I cannot believe we've been married 21 years."

"I can," Bullfrog scoffed. "I knew from the moment we met that we'd be celebrating this moment, which may be weird since the moment we met, I had just gotten tackled on the football field."

"I was a cheerleader," Cece clarified for Clare. "Everyone was crowding around him and I was closer to the front and he looked at me."

"Love at first sight," Bullfrog added.

"I remember when you first told us that story," Clare reminisced. "I'm pretty sure I was 7. We were watching some movie with a football team and Bullfrog, you said 'Oh I used to be a football player, brought me the love of my life'."

Cece put a hand to her heart and pouted a bit. "I can't believe you remember that."

"I remember a lot of things," Clare smiled. "We made a lot of memories together."

"_That_ we did," Bullfrog pointed at Clare. "Remember the beach trip our families had?"

"Bullfrog, the last one we had with the Edwards was when Clare was—"

"Four," Clare finished the sentence. She smiled at the memory of, "Bullfrog got a really bad sunburn and I remember that I spent most of the time in the water with…"

"_Clare, you're going too far!"_

"_I have floaties!"_

"_No, that's too far!"_

"_Take my hand!"_

_He reached for Clare's hand and they floated together. He was afraid Clare would be drifted too far and took her hand to keep Clare to him. They were only in the hotel pool._

"Mom! Dad! Where are you?"

"Oh no!"

Clare suddenly saw the screen turn black but Cece and Bullfrog's voice were still there. They hadn't disconnected their video chat.

"What are you guys doing?"

Clare heard his voice, entirely too close. She thought that he might've seen her but he hadn't said anything yet. Maybe they just turned the screen off and put something over the webcam.

"Nothing!"

"Sure doesn't sound like nothing. I thought you guys would be downstairs waiting for guests."

"We're…busy."

"You guys weren't doing something inappropriate with the computer…were you?"

"It's our anniversary, we can do what we want."

"Okay…gross. I'm leaving now. I guess I'll let the guests in until you're…done."

Clare heard the door close and she saw Bullfrog and Cece again, both looking relieved. They turned to the screen and Clare raised a brow.

"Sorry," Cece said sheepishly. "We didn't want to hurt either of you."

"That's okay," Clare said. "I'm glad after all this time you're still looking out for me."

"Always," Bullfrog promised.

Clare was about to speak when the door opened in the background. "I may be going crazy but I swore I could've heard…"

Everyone froze. Clare was looking into the screen and between Cece and Bullfrog's shoulders, she saw him. He had wide eyes which were looking into the screen. Clare wanted to disconnect. She had her hand on the touchpad, ready to click 'end'. But she couldn't get herself to do it. It was the first time she saw him in over a year and as much as it hurt her, she was a bit happy to see him.

"Uh…" Cece began awkwardly but she didn't continue. Like everyone else, she was speechless.

"Hi."

"Hi."

Clare replied to him and didn't know how to continue.

"Would you two like to talk?" Cece asked hesitantly. She directed the question to both but only looked to Clare. Once Clare nodded her head, Cece and Bullfrog left the room, not before Bullfrog pointed to his own eyes then to his son, warning him, and muttering, "I'm watching you."

Eventually he sat in front of the computer and with shaky hands, he ran one through his hair. "How are you?" he asked her nervously.

"I'm…doing really well," Clare answered honestly. "How are you?"

"Getting by," he said. "But no complaints."

"That's good."

"Yeah."

Clare looked away from the screen, pressing her lips together. She tilted her head down to her hands. _Why does he still have this effect on me? It's been a year. He hurt me and yet just one look from him still makes me blush like hell._

"I'm sorry, Clare."

Clare looked up at the screen and saw that he was having difficulty looking at her too.

"I spent so many months only thinking about you and what I did to you, I still think about it. I can't believe my actions. I was so stupid. Like you said in your letter, I'm still living with the guilt and I will live it for the rest of my life."

"I was angry and hurt when I wrote that letter," Clare said to him. "I don't want the guilt to be with you forever. I moved on and you living with the guilt is just a waste."

"I deserve it though, Clare. I do. I hurt you so bad and living with the guilt can't even amount to the hurt I caused you."

"Move on. Stop dwelling on it."

"I. Can't. Stop."

He looked at her intensely through the screen and his hand went up to it, and pulled back. Clare realized he was reaching out to touch her. His disappointed and pained face was unbearable. It was the same one he gave her when she climbed into her father's car the night she left, leaving him behind.

"I know you said you'd spend your entire life trying to force yourself to stop loving me…" he said slowly. "But I want you to know that I will spend my entire life loving you with all of my heart. I've done it for 19 years now, a lifetime will be easy."

"You aren't the only reason I left you know. Stop feeling so much guilt."

"Will you ever tell me all of it?"

"Probably not," Clare shrugged, speaking honestly.

"Something happened to you Halloween night…"

Clare stiffened. "What makes you say that?"

"You said it in your letter that I never asked you what happened that night. And that's true, I never did. This is me asking you, what happened that night?"

She shook her head. "I'm not telling you that. Maybe I would have if you asked me then but…it's been too long."

"I'm sorry for being such a shitty boyfriend," he sighed, his back falling to the back of the chair.

"You weren't," Clare smiled weakly. "Not until the end, anyways. Things were just a mess for me. Nothing worked out."

"And now?"

"I think I got what I wanted."

Clare watched as he sunk back further in his seat, emotionally gone. She was too but it seemed that he had become the damaged one now. She improved her life and herself once she left. He took the opposite direction.

He took a deep breath before asking. "And what was it that you wanted?"

Clare closed her eyes briefly and then slowly opened them back up again. "To be okay with myself."

Through her terrible relationship with her family, she developed no self esteem whatsoever and after he cheated on her, Clare began feeling useless and unwanted. But through her therapist and being away, she found joy in her own body. She finally accepted herself.

Clare was surprised that he smiled a little bit. But she saw that he was happy for her and that made her feel a weight lifting off her shoulders. There was a little bit of guilt that she felt. She had left him on a bad note, spiting him in her letter. Through her therapist she realized that wishing guilt on him forever was not good at all. He needed to move on, as does she.

She didn't want to carry on animosity or a grudge towards him for the rest of her life. Like she had said earlier, she wanted him to stop dwelling on it. It wouldn't do either of them any good at all to be holding onto feelings that already had its ride.

"We've been talking about me too much, how are you? Really?" Clare asked him. She finally got the chance to focus on his appearance. He seemed to have no need for his eyeliner anymore. The bags under his eyes did a good job creating a more broody look one him. He seemed more pale and more skinny as well. His eyes, the usual green, were seemingly dark. But that could've just been the lighting or the not so clear picture on her screen.

"Like I said, I'm getting by," he repeated. "I'm at University of Toronto. Majoring in English. You?"

"Same but going the journalistic route," Clare replied. "I'm on the newspaper too. I've had a few offers to work on more major newspapers but I'm going to finish my four years first and see where that takes me."

He nodded and pushed his seat forward, now in the middle of Clare's screen. His eyes moved up to the webcam itself, giving Clare the illusion that he was really looking into her eyes. It was haunting.

"I know I've said a lot already but I just really want you to know that—"

When his focus changed, his eyes moving to something behind her, Clare turned around and saw Connor coming out of one of the rooms in her apartment. He passed by nonchalant, in an oversized shirt and pajama pants and not wearing his glasses, and when Clare looked back to the screen, his eyes were glistening with tears. Clare realized that he was jealous but was trying hard not to show it.

"I want you to know that," he continued with a pained voice. "I love you. And I always will. You were right, in your letter, there was only us. I'm sorry for ruining that. I'm glad you're moving on and that…you're happy."

Clare nodded and unsurely, she replied with difficulty, "I love you too. You will always be the best friend I ever had."

He disconnected the call and Clare closed her laptop.

"You said 'best friend'."

Connor was at a doorway holding a glass of water. Clare laughed slightly and nodded. "I did."

"You do know that probably broke his heart all over again, right?"

"Yup. That's why I did it. Now maybe he'll finally move on."

"Why? It's not like you have."

Clare glared at him. "It's not that simple."

"Then maybe you should tell yourself the truth. That might help the process move along faster."

"Don't start again."

"Then why not tell him the truth? Press 'call' again. He's probably still sitting there."

"Just shut up Connor. Go back into Ava's room." Ava was Clare's roommate and Connor's girlfriend. Because of this connection, Clare saw more of Connor that she really wanted to. But she was glad to have a familiar face around.

"I'm just saying…maybe telling the truth will set you free." And he walked out.

Truth? What truth? Truth was that Clare was happy. Truth was that she moved on.

Truth was she was completely lying to herself for a long time about the feelings that just wouldn't go away.

Sure, Clare was happy. She was going to her dream school, she had a financially secure and stable job ahead of her, she was on good terms with her parents, and she felt happy.

But not entirely.

The love she felt for him would always be there and she was trying to deny it. It was not easy to forget how he made her feel through the 18 years of good times they had. Her broken heart caused her to write in that letter that she'd try hard to forget her love for him but after she had time to heal, she knew it was absolutely impossible.

Clare loved him. She could never forget.

She opened her laptop once again and moved the cursor over to the 'call' button. Cece's contact information was still there and the green call button was screaming Clare's name.

Is Connor right? Will he still be sitting there?

She clicked the button and waited, listening to the beeping as Clare "called" him. Her heart was racing. She wasn't sure what she was going to say, she wasn't even sure if she wanted to do this. This was impulsive. Her first impulsive act in a year. She didn't think this time, she only did. Her action was driven by love. She relied on her bruised heart instead of her mind.

She recalled writing the letter to her classmates with a sentence contradictory to her actions now: _Be conscious of your actions and use your mind, not your heart._

She didn't want anyone else to be hurt like she was and here she was, using her heart.

It seemed like the call was taking forever. Clare started to think that maybe the computer was off by now but it would tell her if the user wasn't online. Cece's account was still obviously up because by now it would've cancelled the call.

Waiting.

Listening.

Racing.

The call connected and there was only the black screen at first. Clare sat up and waited for the picture to clear up and once it did, Clare was met with the room. No one was sitting in the chair. No one was there. He was gone.

Clare felt a tiny bit of relief but disappointment trumped that feeling. She wanted to see him one last time as she was ready to tell herself and him the truth.

She put her finger over the touchpad and prepared herself to end the call once again. But before ending the call, she said one thing. One thing that would finally give her closure. The one thing that would be true.

"There will always be us."


	12. Age Twenty Finale

**I didn't think I would write this but I knew I left Adam and Clare open-ended and that was truly killing me. I wanted to write an ending for them and here it is! **

**I think you'll like it. If not, tell me why. ;)**

**Thank you so so so much for the amazing reception to this story, I never imagined that so many people would be so passionate about this story. I love each and every one of you who not just reviewed but just read this. It's definitely the best/favorite story I've written so far and I'm so glad people actually liked it.**

**NO MORE AFTER THIS. THIS IS ****THE END****. NO SEQUEL.**

**Twitter: hereinyourarms_**

**Tumblr: onlyhereinyourarms  
><strong>

**Fun facts that I threw in about myself in this:**

**1. I am reading the book she's reading.**

**2. This year, my birthday falls on the holiday mentioned. Awesome, eh?**

**Oh and in the previous chapter, I didn't use the word Eli once. Anyone catch that? :)**

**The epilogue was a little over a year after Clare left. This takes place five months after her Skype chat.**

**Thank you for reading and enjoy.**

* * *

><p><strong>Age 20 – The True Finale<strong>

During fall break in the States, which would really be considered to be Thanksgiving break, Clare decided to fly home to Toronto. They had a week off and she was glad to have this break. Not only did it mean that she could have a week break from her second year at Yale but it also meant she could spend her birthday with her family. This year her birthday was on American Thanksgiving and while her friends at school thought that it was great, she only shrugged it off. She _was_ Canadian of course.

She had invited Connor to come along with her so he could visit his own family but Connor was already on his way with his girlfriend Ava to her family's for Thanksgiving. Clare knew Connor was nervous to meet Ava's family officially, since they've been dating for a while now, but Clare assured him he'd be fine.

Clare was so thankful to have Connor with her at school. It made the transition so much easier and she had someone to talk to about her problems. The only person who knew about her story was Ava and that was because she and Clare were roommates. She didn't know the full details but she knew enough. Connor was always supporting her through her therapy sessions, made sure she was okay, and whenever she had anxiety attacks, which she developed through all her stress, he was always there for her. He truly became her support system and her best friend.

On the flight back home, Clare was trying to read The Poisonwood Bible but found her mind drifting towards what she'd find back home. While playing with the ring on her finger, one that she wanted to take off but couldn't get herself to, she got lost in her mind. Her parents officially divorced over the summer and Clare expected it to hurt, but it didn't. She knew they were always at odds and it was time for them to be happy. Her mother stayed at their home due to Clare's requests, she wanted that house to be theirs still. Even if it held some bad memories, it was still their house. She was going there and she was going to have dinner with both of her parents every night either at home or out.

Then she thought about Adam. She was looking around on the plane and found a guy wearing a beanie and she thought about Adam. They hadn't talked in over a year now, ever since their blowout at the abandoned church, and Clare knew Adam kept trying to contact her. Her parents constantly called and said Adam wanted to know how she was and wanted her new number. Connor also kept getting emails and calls from Adam and he did try to get Clare to talk to him but Clare kept refusing.

It wasn't that she didn't want to talk to him. She just didn't know what to say. What do you say to the guy who kept a big secret from you? One that would bring her relationship to its ashes? She deserved to know that her boyfriend was cheating on her and her best friend knew. It was not acceptable by any means and she didn't know how to forgive him.

The flight wasn't long at all and Clare, in no time, found herself in the airport with her luggage, looking around for her parents. There were a lot of people at the airport and she found herself getting lost in the sea of people. She managed to go off to the side and call her mom.

"Hey Mom, where are you?" Clare asked once she answered.

"I thought your father was picking you up?" Helen replied perplexed.

"Is he? I haven't seen him. I'll call him. Thanks mom."

Clare dialed her father's number and waited. "Clare? Are you at the house yet?"

Clare pushed her eyebrows together in confusion. "What? Mom just said that you were supposed to pick me up."

"Oh…" Randall trailed off. "I was. I have a meeting and I completely forgot Clare, I'm sorry. I can come get you in about thirty minutes, I'm still at the meeting."

"It's okay, I'll just take a cab." Clare went to the information desk and had them call a cab for her and she waited with her luggage. She found herself playing a game on her phone while listening to music when someone called her name.

"Clare…"

She looked up, not sure if someone had actually spoken her name, and she wanted to run. How in the world could they both be at the same place at the same time when she had just come back? Someone must've said something. No one else knew of her return to Toronto other than her parents and Connor so it must've been Connor.

Clare couldn't move at all and everyone else around her was moving a million miles per minute. And yet, here she was, unable to even think let alone move a finger.

"Are you going to say anything?"

Clare finally felt her muscles relaxing and she quickly stuffed her phone and iPod into her carry-on and with the rest of her things, she bolted from her seat. She couldn't handle this. She wasn't expecting to see anyone but her parents and maybe Simpson and his family while she was home but not this. Not at all.

"Miss, you'll have to stay here so we can tell you when your cab has arrived."

"Cancel it. She has a ride."

"Don't cancel it. I don't have a ride."

"Yes she does. Now if you want to wait for hours for a cab you can stay but I could have you home within the hour."

"I'll wait."

"Stop being stubborn."

"Don't tell me what to do."

"So…the cab?"

"Yes."

"No."

"Stop speaking for me."

"Stop being stubborn."

"You said that already."

"I see that this is a lover's quarrel so..."

"We are **not** together."

"Especially since she hasn't talked to me in a long time."

"Can you blame me?"

He paused. "Not even a little. I messed up."

"Yes, you did."

"Cab?"

Clare sighed. "No, thank you."

"Come on," he grabbed her stuff and headed toward the exit. Huffing in annoyance, Clare held onto her carry-on tightly and followed. They got to the car and she climbed in without a word. Finally they were on the road and Clare just stared out the window, arms crossed over her chest, dead set on not speaking.

"Am I gonna hear a thank you?"

Clare raised her brows and scoffed.

"You do know I could just kick you out of my car, right?"

"_Please_."

"Oh, so she speaks."

"I wasn't planning on seeing you."

"I could say the same thing. I was dropping someone off and I saw you. Trust me, it was as big of a surprise for me as it was for you. Did you think that this would be the circumstances that I would see you in person after a year? I thought it'd be more epic, more planned, less surprising."

"So you thought about it?"

He laughed. "Clare, I thought about it every day since I found out you left. You didn't actually tell me when, you know."

"Oh sorry Adam, I find out you knew about Eli cheating on me and I was just dying to tell you all of the details of my move," she said with the utmost sarcasm oozing from her tone. She turned back to the window and focused on the trees passing by.

"I didn't want you to get hurt," Adam muttered. Those were the exact words he said that day he admitted it.

"Mission _failed_," Clare said.

Adam cleared his throat and took a deep breath. "He…blackmailed me. Eli, he, he said he'd tell people about me being…"

"Are you serious?" Clare was fuming now, angry that Eli would ever do that. Using that secret against his own best friend. "Wow, he really really wanted to keep his secret didn't he?"

"I couldn't tell you, I couldn't have people finding out, I'm so so sorry, I know I was wrong but—"

"Adam," Clare put her hand over his. "It's…okay. I…forgive you. I didn't know the circumstances. _I _am sorry that I didn't give you the chance to explain."

"I probably would've done the same thing you did," Adam admitted. "It looked bad. It was bad. But I meant what I said. I didn't want you to get hurt, I thought he'd tell you eventually but…it blew up."

"I spent more than a year mad at you and I didn't even know the truth," Clare said in disbelief. She kept her hand in Adam's and rubbed her temple with the other. "Over a year."

"Hey, now look at us," Adam tightened his grip around Clare's hand. "Reunited and it feels so good."

"Real cheesy," Clare laughed.

"So, did you fly home to be with your parents for the big 2-0?"

"Partly yes but also since it's fall break now and I didn't just want to stay at campus when everyone's out for Thanksgiving. It falls on my birthday."

"That's cool! If you were American you'd be eating a lot of food AND getting presents!"

"You haven't changed at all," Clare commented.

"There's one thing that has changed. I've got myself a girl now."

"Who?" Clare squealed like a little girl and turned her body to face Adam's, despite being buckled in her seat.

"Remember Katie?"

Clare went back into her memories for a Katie. "The Degrassi Daily editor? Adam! You had a crush on her for a long time!"

"We both go to TU and…it just happened," Adam said coyly but Clare was hitting his arm for more information. "Okay, okay. She's part of the newspaper at TU and she needed to interview me for something. We met up, did the interview, but started hanging out more and eventually I asked her to be my girlfriend."

"Awww, Adam!" Clare cooed and smiled. "I'm so happy for you."

"Thanks," Adam replied. "Have you…do you…"

"No," Clare answered quickly. "No guys. The only one I see is Connor and that's because he practically lives at my apartment."

"Oh yeah, I heard about him having a girlfriend. How is she? And him?"

"They're great," Clare said. "He's actually meeting the family during the break."

"Wow, big step," Adam laughed.

"Yeah, you should've seen him. He was so manic but he'll impress them and make them love him in no time."

"I heard you went to his house after…what happened. Why his house?"

"It was the only place I knew Eli wouldn't know I was at," Clare answered truthfully. "I thought about going to yours but he did tell me you knew about the cheating. Thought about going to Alli's, Jenna's, even Wesley's. But I knew Eli wouldn't go looking for me at the principal's house."

"He got a lot of hate the rest of the school year," Adam told her. "No one would talk to him."

"That's not what I wanted," Clare replied.

"I know but…everyone loved you and then when Fiona stormed out on the play like everyone else and the story got out, he was definitely public enemy number 1. Pretty sure he spent every lunch in Morty."

"You stopped talking to him?"

"He broke your heart, blackmailed me, and drove you out of the school _and_ the country so it was hard to look at him the same way."

"You don't know…the entire thing," Clare said slowly. "It wasn't just Eli, there was so much more that I needed to escape."

"Will you tell me?"

Clare looked at Adam who kept looking back at her and the road and she pursed her lips to the side. "Not here. I don't think you'd want to hear the story while you drove."

"Your house then?"

"How about…The Dot? I really want a milkshake. Then my house."

Adam smirked. "The Dot it is."

While getting their milkshakes, Clare was surprised to see her best girl friend Alli with Dave Turner. Alli attacked her with a hug and Clare hugged back, happy to see her. She had cut off ties with Alli even though she didn't mean to. Alli hadn't contacted her either but Clare could see that there was no bad blood between them judging from how tight Alli was hugging her.

"Clare! Look at you! Your hair! Your clothes! Are you back? Wait, your birthday is in a few days! Ah!"

Clare laughed at Alli's enthusiasm but enjoyed it. It's been a while since she'd seen her and Clare was happy to see that she hadn't changed at all. "You look great Alli. Hi Dave."

"Clare," Dave smiled. "How's the Ivy League? And how's Connor? Was he freaking out about meeting Ava's family?"

"You have no idea," Clare smiled. "And it's great. Best time of my life."

Clare and Adam said their goodbyes to Alli and Dave, after Clare promised to call and email Alli more often, and they went to Clare's house where her mother was gone to get groceries to stock up for her stay. Clare was grateful to have the house to herself so she could talk to Adam in peace.

"Where should I start?" Clare fathomed to herself. "There was so much."

"How about the biggest thing aside from Eli that made you go," Adam suggested as he sipped on his milkshake.

"Okay," she sighed. "Remember Halloween, the one before the party you guys threw for me for my eighteenth birthday?"

"Yeah, you and Eli had a fight that night and you walked home by yourself...," and then he paused, his head shooting up. "Clare, what happened that night?"

Adam was suddenly very angry and Clare was dreading telling him what happened. But he wanted to know. He needed to know. He deserved to know. After shutting him out for over a year, Clare knew she owed him.

"I was walking home, it was dark, I wanted to go on a shortcut and in an alley, this guy…he…he…"

"No," Adam choked out. He was already in tears. "No, that never happened. You went home, you were home safe in your house."

Clare shook her head with difficulty and couldn't look at Adam in the eyes. She held his hand instead. "It happened, I was raped, and I…it was hard to fathom that it did. I never thought that actually happened in real life and…it did."

"I should've walked you home, I shouldn't have let you go off by yourself, I should've—"

Clare took Adam into a hug and he cried into her shoulder, holding her tightly with no signs of wanting to let go. She was doing a good job at keeping her tears to a minimum but Adam was definitely sobbing. The last person she told the story to was her therapist and she never thought she'd have to again. But here she was, talking about it to Adam, and he was taking it very hard.

It would take a while for Adam to calm down and after a lot of tears and undecipherable banter, he was finally calm. His head was in Clare's lap now and he was looking up at her with wet eyes and a red nose. Both of their hands were clasped together, resting over Adam's chest.

"That's why you missed school for a week after Halloween."

"Yes."

"That's why you were so distant for months."

"Yes."

"That's why you wouldn't let Eli touch you."

"I did on my birthday," Clare said. "Then I realized that I couldn't get _him_ away from me. Whenever Eli would touch me a certain way after that, I froze and pushed him away. I couldn't get that memory to go away and I couldn't have Eli touching me. That man will always be on my skin. I wasn't a virgin when it happened but that didn't make the situation any better. He took something from me that night, what was left of my sanity, and I've slowly been working on…becoming myself again. But I was already damaged before that night."

"What else happened?" Adam inquired.

Clare took a while to explain her rocky relationship with her parents. Adam knew a lot that did happen but not all. She told him about Darcy always being the favorite. Also how they forgot her first day of school. How Helen always took Darcy's side. Helen's emotional abuse, Randall's attempts to stick by her, the banning of her relationship with Eli, forgetting her eighteenth birthday, the period of months they didn't speak after her birthday, and the emotional climax of their roller coaster at Simpson's house the day after finding out what Eli was doing.

Clare explained the effect her parents had on her self-esteem, her inability to let people in, and her inability to love. Then she talked about her therapist in New Haven who was able to get her to have more confidence in herself. And she was definitely better. Better than she ever was in her life. This was the resolution part of her story. Things were getting resolved.

"So I'm guessing that everything with your parents has been better?" Adam asked once Clare was finished.

"Yeah," Clare smiled. "They've been supporting my recovery really great and I call them often. I'm glad to be home for this birthday because I spent my nineteenth at school in an empty dorm since everyone was gone. First time in a while that I'm actually excited to have a birthday."

"I'm gonna have to go back to my dorm and get my present for you then," Adam replied.

Clare was confused and said, "But…you didn't know I was coming, did you?"

"I bought it over the summer after you left and hoped that I'd at least see you again for another birthday. It's lame but…it was you." Adam gave her a comforting smile and she sighed happily.

"I'm still sorry that I didn't let you explain," she told him.

"I'll always be sorry that I never told you the truth," he replied. "That mistake caused me to lose my two best friends."

She stared at him in sadness, realizing that Adam did indeed lose both her and Eli. "Did you ever talk to him again?"

"Briefly," Adam shrugged. "He asked how I was and I said I was good."

"When?"

"Months ago. He goes to TU too but our paths don't cross. Have you talked to him at all?"

"A few months ago, during exams," Clare said and Adam sat up in surprise. His jaw was dropped. "I was Skyping with Cece and Bullfrog and he showed up. He told me that he's glad that I'm finally happy and that he loved me."

"And…you said?"

"That…I loved him too and he'll be the very best friend I ever had."

Adam winced. "I'm sure that hearing best friend was good for him."

"I needed him to move on," Clare sighed, her head falling back.

"You sound like you haven't."

"It's because I haven't. How can I let my heart open for more disappointment? I had one relationship my entire life and I got my heart broken badly so…I can't even think about being in love with someone else while I can't even shake away what he did to me, the good and the bad. I loved him my entire life and that was the only love I truly knew."

Adam took Clare's hand again and sat beside her, his side pressed against the back of the couch. "I can't believe I didn't notice any of this."

"I learned to mask it over the years," Clare smiled weakly. "It wasn't your problem."

"Eli told me some things about your home life but…I never knew this much. I don't think he even knew."

Clare shook her head. "He didn't. No one did."

"Could you ever forgive him?"

"Forgive…yes. Be with him again, an entirely different thing."

"But not impossible?"

"I guess…if I can overcome my emotional troubles, nothing is impossible."

* * *

><p>Clare spent her week with her parents, telling them stories of Yale and her classes and her friends. They actually spent most of their time at their house, just talking. It was like making up time for the many years they weren't close at all. Clare and Helen baked together, living out one of Clare's childhood desires, Clare and Randall watched several Harry Potter movies together, and Adam and Alli came over the night of Clare's birthday and they celebrated it with a big homemade dinner.<p>

On Clare's final day in Toronto, she packed her suitcase with the gifts she got for her birthday. Her mom got her some new clothes from her favorite vintage store, her dad got her new DVDs, Alli bought her a new bag, and Adam…Adam's gift was a gold necklace with an oval pendant.

_"Here's a circle!" Clare said proudly as she held a green colored circle which looked more so like an oval._

_"That's not a circle," someone piped up. Clare turned her head to see a girl, dark brown long hair and a freckled face, wearing jeans and a large shirt, much like the style of a boy's._

_"It __is __a circle," Clare insisted. "See?"_

_"No, it's small at the top and bottom and fat in the middle, it's an __oval__."_

The necklace had an engraving on the back: "_It was an oval."_

When Adam had given it to her, she started to cry at the memory of their first encounter. She had met one of the best people she'd know in her life at age 5, by an argument over the shape that Clare had drawn. She'd never admit it but it _was_ an oval. It was always difficult for her to create a perfect circle. This was the first of things she'd have a hard time admitting.

Clare put it on her neck and packed the rest of her things. Her flight was in a few hours but her mom needed to go to work so she'd have to drop off Clare early. While she waited for her mom to finish getting ready, Clare put her stuff by the door and got on her mom's laptop which was on the kitchen table.

She checked her Facerange page, which she hadn't done since she came home, and she found a lot of notifications from her friends wishing her a happy birthday. She replied to them all with nice words and smiley faces as she smiled to herself. As she browsed through her page, there was a knock on the door.

"Clare, could you get that?"

"Yeah mom!"

Clare logged off and walked to the door, looking at her watch to keep track of the time. She opened the door, still looking at her watch.

"Hi Mrs. Edwards, sorry to bother you but I have a birthday present for Clare and I—"

Clare looked up and much like the moment at the airport, she froze. But this time it wasn't Adam.

Clare forced herself not to look in his eyes and instead saw a small box in his hands. _Oh_. When she looked back up again, he was smiling nervously and she found herself doing the same. Suddenly that silver ring on her finger began to get hot against her skin. She hadn't taken it off. As much as she wanted to, it was a part of her. _Always yours. -E_

Her heart fluttered a bit and there were butterflies in her stomach again. That last time she had this feeling…it's been a while.

"Hi," Eli breathed after a few minutes of just staring at each other.

She searched his eyes and found them still the same green she remembered. Then all of a sudden she couldn't remember the bad things. Every good memory came flooding back.

_Eli sticking up for her at the playground when she cried. Age 3._

_Eli distracting her from the fact that her parents forgot her first day of school. Age 5._

_Eli telling her that it was possible to fall in love with your best friend at any age. Age 9._

_Eli giving her her first kiss, which was magical. Age 13._

_Eli throwing her a birthday party which helped distract her for a little while. Age 18._

_Eli showing her that love will always be there. Age 1-20._

Clare wanted to cry but she pressed her lips together and inhaled a deep breath. Eli's smile was growing and she felt herself just wanting to throw herself in his arms. But she didn't. She put a small, yet genuine smile on her face, and said one word that didn't seem like anything but it surely meant everything. Would it be a new beginning or their official end? Either way, Clare let out all of her feelings with just one word.

"Hi."


End file.
